Meditation for Anxiety: When It Doesn’t Work & What to Do

Meditation for Anxiety: When It Doesn’t Work & What to Do

by | May 18, 2022 | Anxiety, Highly Sensitive Person, Meditation, Yoga

Have you tried to use meditation for anxiety symptoms?

Many HSPs who are prone to anxiety turn to meditation to cope. It makes sense that people with sensitive nervous systems would gravitate toward a quiet, inward-oriented, and deeply personal practice.

We’ve also been hearing about endless benefits of meditation for years, one of which is that meditation can calm anxiety. There are indeed multifaceted benefits that can come from meditation practice, and anxiety relief may be one of those for some people.

Yet, lost in the hype that touts meditation as a cure-all is that it can have potential adverse side effects. Traditional teachers know this, but we don’t hear about it in a world in which traditions get commodified by the loudest voices and largest platforms.

A few years ago, researchers at Brown University published a study that looked at reported side effects by practitioners of a specific Buddhist meditation. These side effects included quite a few examples of nervous system hyperarousal or hypoarousal, such as anxiety, insomnia, emotional blunting, and dissociation.

Of course, this kind of study has limitations, but it also offers an important balance to a widespread narrative that overlooks the possible risks.

I’ll also say that as someone who has practiced various forms of meditation on and off for the last 23 years, I have experienced many benefits. And, I’ve also witnessed some of the rare, but real adverse side effects on loved ones and fellow practitioners.

I hope this serves as a reminder that if you ever experience increased anxiety or adverse side effects from your meditation, you’re not alone.

Today I want to shed some light on why meditation for anxiety may not always work for anxiety. I’ll also share tips for how you might approach meditation if you struggle with anxiety.

Why Meditation May Not Always Work for Anxiety

Meditation and mindfulness are considered “top-down” approaches, which means they engage the higher cognitive parts of the brain in the prefrontal cortex. This is the topmost, and evolutionary speaking, newest part of the brain that is home logic, language, thinking, and other executive functions.

Top-down approaches have value, but they are not always helpful in moments of hyperarousal. While there are complex interactions throughout the brain, anxiety is a response to stress that primarily takes place in the lower parts of the brain: the emotional center known as the limbic system, and the brain stem. When you’re in an anxious state, your emotional brain can take over while your cognitive brain goes offline.

This is why “bottom-up” approaches that work with these lower parts of the brain can be helpful for many people when dealing with anxiety. I’ll give examples of these approaches below.

If Meditation Isn’t Helping, Consider These Tips

First, if you’re struggling with debilitating anxiety or an anxiety disorder, please seek care from a licensed mental health clinician. Working one-on-one with a meditation teacher for guidance is also important, but meditation teachers are not trained mental health clinicians.

1) Meet your nervous system where it is. While you want to move from hyper-aroused to a calmer, regulated nervous system, meditative practice may not always be the starting point. Rather, you might save your meditation for after you’ve used other means to process anxiety since anxiety often needs a bottom-up approach to build a sense of safety in your nervous system. Examples of such approaches can include: exercise, dancing, yoga asana, expressive art, long exhales, chewing ice, jumping, shaking, nature walks, or other movements.

2) Meditate when you’re calm. Meditation starts out challenging for everyone. While consistent meditation can have benefits and potentially rewire your brain to be less reactive over time, it makes a difference to begin a practice from a calm or neutral state rather than from an anxious one. If you’re set on building a meditation practice, you might practice for 10 minutes per day when you already feel more regulated. By the way, this doesn’t have to be in the morning. You can integrate your practice into where it fits in your existing life.

3) Try a different form of meditation. Meditation practice takes time to build, so it’s a good idea to give your practice a chance for several months, unless it’s causing you distress. If you find it’s not helping, you might try another form of meditation. The study referenced above focused solely on Buddhist traditions and mindfulness practice. I’d be curious to know if Vedic practices such as mantra recitation or an Internal Family Systems approach to meditation would carry the same possible risks.

4) Explore alternatives to meditation. Meditation can challenge you, but it should not be a burden, stoke anxiety, or result in undue distress. There’s nothing wrong with you if you’re not experiencing anxiety relief or other benefits from meditation. There are other practices that can be grounding and help you release anxiety. They may even help you connect more to the world. Some are mentioned in #1, but this could also include practices such as journal writing or mindful gardening.

In Closing…

Keep in mind that it’s not necessary to stick with a meditation practice for years in hopes of reaching some eventual immeasurable state. Your practice should have functional benefits that support nervous system regulation and help you better integrate with all parts of yourself, loved ones, and the surrounding world.

How HSPs Can Enjoy Travel Without Depletion

How HSPs Can Enjoy Travel Without Depletion

by | Apr 22, 2022 | Highly Sensitive Person, Travel

Have you had a travel experience that left you feeling depleted? As an HSP and lifelong traveler, I’ve felt more than my share of travel overwhelm and exhaustion.

And yet, I continue to love traveling…especially since I’ve learned to understand and work with, not against, my sensitive strengths and needs.

While it’s true that travel can be draining for HSPs, it doesn’t have to be. If you’re honest with yourself about what you need, and intentional about honoring those needs, you can experience much more meaningful, enriching travel, and far less of the overwhelm that some of us have come to associate with travel adventures.

I’d love to share what I’ve learned, so here are a few recommendations for finding enjoyable travel experiences while drastically reducing the likelihood of depletion.

Dig deeper with your intentions

Take some time to consider why you’re traveling and what you want to experience before you start planning.

Many people think of travel as an escape, or a way to let go of stress. While there’s nothing wrong with this sentiment (everyone needs a break from time to time), the true benefits of travel go far beyond relaxation.

That’s why I would recommend setting a deeper intention beyond stress relief, or even a bucket list item. For example, your purpose might be to explore the edges of your comfort zone or genuinely connect with people of another culture.

Having a clear purpose will not only make your experience more meaningful, but it can help you re-center, feel empowered, and build a reserve of confidence that will be helpful in challenging moments you may encounter.

Contemplate what you want to feel

As an HSP, you likely need time to simply be in your new surroundings without having to rush to the next place. Consider what settings help you connect to your senses in ways that support your nervous system.

I’ve had retreat guests skip yoga to observe hummingbirds, or bow out of a guided tour to people-watch or savor local dishes at a cafe. For others, a mindful walk may allow a chance to feel your muscles and the ground under your feet.

Knowing what you want to experience can help you to focus on what’s important to you, avoid overplanning, and allow for unscheduled time so your trip may unfold as you travel.

Choose complementary travel companions

Sharing travel experiences and building memories with others can make it so much more meaningful. But, having some discernment around who you travel with can be just as important as your actual plans.

I have quite a few loved ones that I can share fun activities with, but it doesn’t mean that our travel rhythms match up.

When traveling with friends, family, or even strangers, I highly recommend talking about your intentions for the trip. Discussing any preferences and needs in advance can help set clear expectations and set the stage for open communication in the event that you feel overwhelmed or need to say no to something.

Here are some considerations that you may want to clarify with your co-traveler(s):

  • Will you do everything together or will you do your own thing at times?
  • How important is it to be able to be flexible or go with the flow?
  • How active will the trip be? How important is downtime?
  • What kind of pace do you envision for your mornings?

Plan for integration time

Most of us put a lot of effort into planning the trip itself. Yet, I’ve come to realize that planning for how I handle the return is nearly as important.

There was a time when I used to squeeze as much as I could out of my vacation time so that I could enjoy more time away. I’d leave almost no time to settle in and recover, and instead, I’d just hit the ground running.

Not only was this jarring to my sensitive nervous system, but it also made it more challenging to integrate what I had learned or experienced during my travel experience into home life. Now, planning for downtime after a trip, particularly after I’ve run a retreat, is a must.

What about you?

What do you think can help HSPs enjoy travel without depletion? What destinations or environments have you found to be most HSP-friendly? Feel free to share your experiences and ideas in the comments below.

Interested in traveling with people who get you?

Check out our upcoming retreats. We have trips to Guatemala, Peru, Portugal, and Thailand on the horizon in 2023!

Sensitivity is a Superpower: A Resource from a Highly Sensitive Child

Sensitivity is a Superpower: A Resource from a Highly Sensitive Child

by | Apr 7, 2021 | highly sensitive children, Highly Sensitive Person

A Resource Written by a Highly Sensitive Child

The following guide comes from an 11-year old highly sensitive child, Joshua Harper Rautenbach, with permission to publish from his parents. Joshua reached out to me from Singapore for a school research project in which he set out to understand his own sensitivity as a superpower. In our communication, we discovered there are many resources for parents and teachers of highly sensitive children, but there are very few resources specifically for highly sensitive children and we didn’t find any written by a highly sensitive child. Thus, Joshua has offered his report as perhaps the first guide on being HSP written by a highly sensitive child.

 

 

Introduction to Highly Sensitive People

Many people wonder what an HSP is? Why did they even think up a name for this particular personality trait? HSP is a personality trait that is found in 15 to 20 percent of all the people in the world. This has been proven by Dr. Elaine Aron, a clinical psychologist who created the term “highly sensitive” in her 1996 book The Highly Sensitive Person. Often people will possibly say to an HSP “Why are you so sensitive?” or “Stop acting like a baby.” But do not listen to them! Some HSPs think that they are different from everyone else. It is okay to be different and in this report you will learn what an HSP is, the pros and cons of being HSP, the six different types of HSP, and finally how HSPs can turn their gifts into their very own superpower. Being an HSP does not make them strange, being an HSP actually makes them very special and unique!

Chart of how many HSPs are in the world

What is a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP)?

Highly Sensitive People or HSP for short, is a personality trait only found in 15 to 20 percent of the Earth’s population. HSP is not a disorder! High sensitivity, or sensory processing sensitivity (SPS) is actually an inherited genetic trait. Scientific testing through a functional MRI scan showed that HSPs are genetically more sensitive to intense negative and positive triggers. There is nothing wrong with them. In fact, being an HSP is a gift. HSPs just have a sensitive nervous system, which means that they are more sensitive to their surroundings. They process more information than average and think more deeply about things. But HSPs are often mistaken for being introverted and highly emotional people who can appear to be insecure, apprehensive and depressed.

It may have its downsides, but that does not mean it is all bad. HSPs also have heightened senses and are able to notice small details. They also have a very sensitive sense of smell and hearing. Their nervous system is a lot more evolved than others which means that they are more tuned in to their environment and others feelings. So what are the pros and cons of being an HSP?

Example of a HSP barrier

Pros & Cons of Being HSP

Pros Cons
  • More considerate, polite & thoughtful
  • Highly creative and imaginative 
  • Intuitive & perceptive
  • Organised & meticulous and pay extra attention to details 
  • Make good team members 
  • Get upset easily 
  • People please 
  • Hard to make decisions 
  • Prone to illness and disease
  • Overwhelmed easily 

There are many pros and cons for being an HSP. This report will explain both.

5 Advantages of Being HSP

1) An HSP will always consider others needs and wants before their own because they can detect if others are feeling uncomfortable or distressed. Here is one example: If an HSP has a friend over for a play date, they will always consider that friend’s needs and wants above their own such as in what games to play or what movie to watch. HSPs are also very polite and well-mannered because they are mindful of not offending others.

2) HSPs are highly creative and imaginative individuals who are deeply moved by the arts and natural beauty. They see the world through a much bigger lens. Many artists, authors, songwriters and people in the performing arts are highly sensitive people.

3) HSPs are also very intuitive and perceptive individuals. They are able to read people very well and know when they are lying or being deceiving. They are also very good at noticing people’s body language and tone of voice. So, think twice before you tell a lie to an HSP!

4) Highly sensitive people are well-organised and extremely meticulous. They are very detail-orientated and always give their best.

5) HSPs make great team members because their understanding of the feelings of other team members make them considerate to everyone’s point of view.

5 Disadvantages of Being HSP

Now you know the pros. What about the cons?

1) The extreme sensitivity of HSPs can sometimes make their relationships strained and difficult because they can be easily hurt or angered. A harmless statement can become an insult. For example, you are just joking about your friend’s costume. You are just being funny but they might not know that and take offense.

2) The next con is that HSPs can often feel emotionally deprived and empty because of their constant need to care for and please others. People pleasing demands a lot of self-sacrifice. For example, when a friend is in a bad situation and they want you to do something. You may not want to do it, but you do anyway. This is because HSPs don’t want to let their friend down so they might do it even though they may not want to.

3) In addition, HSPs find it hard to make quick decisions. This is because they overthink every detail and take a lot longer to decide. For example, you are at dinner with your family and it is time to choose what you want to eat. You may choose very fast, but an HSP will take a lot longer.

4) HSPs are also prone to anxiety, depression, sleep disorders and lowered immunity. This can often lead to frequent coughs and colds.

5) Lastly, HSPs can quickly be overwhelmed if given too many tasks at one time or put under a lot of pressure at school. Tests and projects will often cause a lot of stress and anxiety.

So, these are the advantages and disadvantages of being an HSP. But guess what? There are many different types of Highly Sensitive People!

Example of Pros and Cons in the human mind

6 Different Types of HSP

Did you know that there are different types of HSP? Well, there are. Not all HSPs are the same and personality characteristics differ from person to person. Here are six different types.

1) Psychomotor. For these highly sensitive people, standing still is as challenging as climbing a mountain. Psychomotor HSPs experience an abundance of energy and enjoy intense physical activities. They can also be highly competitive and often exhibit nervous habitats such as biting their nails.

2) Sensual. These HSPs have extremely heightened senses often leading to be picky eaters. They are also at risk of becoming overstimulated very easily and need a lot of quiet time.

3) Intellectual. An intellectual HSP will ask a lot of questions and reflect on their thoughts deeply. They are very good at solving problems, recalling information and observing others carefully. This can lead them to be highly critical of others and themselves.

4) Imaginational. These HSPs have lots of notebooks filled with scribbles and drawings. They experience intense emotions and vivid dreams which can cause them to have difficulties in perceiving the differences between what is real and what is fake. They have a low tolerance for anything boring.

5) Orchid Child. According to professor Bruce Ellis, most children will survive or even thrive in whatever circumstances they encounter like a dandelion. But orchid children are more sensitive than dandelions. If brought up the right way, they will blossom into happy and productive adults. However, given the wrong circumstances they can be more susceptible to depression.

6) Emotional. All HSPs experience strong emotions, however for emotional HSPs, their emotions can become too intense and manifest in the physical such as sweaty hands, red face, increased heart rate, and upset stomach. They are extremely empathetic and are affected by the feelings and emotions of others. They also struggle to adapt to new surroundings. So how can HSPs turn their gifts into their very own superpower?

How HSPs Can Turn Their Gifts into Superpowers!

Being an HSP may have its disadvantages, but there are also many advantages to it as well. A way to refer to these advantages are superpowers. Yes, HSPs have superpowers! Not physical powers like the superheroes from Marvel or DC. They are more like mental powers.

HSPs are very empathetic. That means they feel for others strongly and can care very deeply for their well-being.

HSPs are very considerate. They are flexible thinkers, and acutely aware. That means HSPs most often notice very tiny details. This is why they pick up the feelings of those around them.

Highly sensitive people have vivid imaginations and respond more intensely to the world around them. This can make them some of the most creative people in the world. Many artists, inventors, authors, songwriters and actors are often highly sensitive people. Albert Einstein, Nicole Kidman, Katherine Hepburn, Martin Luther King, Jr., and even Steve Jobs are some famous personalities known as highly sensitive people.

Another superpower is that HSPs are sincere listeners. For example, they like to listen and talk less. It actually depends on the person. They can embrace life experiences, and finally they love deeply.

Characteristics of HSP

So, now you know about the personality trait called HSP. This report has gone over what an HSP is, the pros and cons about being an HSP, the six different types of HSP, and finally how HSPs can turn their gifts into their very own superpower. Remember, HSPs are not weird or strange; they are unique and possibly special! But an important thing to remember from this report is that to never judge a book by its cover, but by the wise words in it.

Bibliography 

https://www.melissanoelrenzi.com/highly-sensitive-people-superpowers
Melissa Noel Renzi Aug 7, 2017

https://thedailyguru.com/being-highly-sensitive/
MARGARITA COACHING 2020

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TPR1P_D8zjY
Psych2Go YouTube channel May 17, 2020

https://www.brighterspacesuk.com/the-highly-sensitive-person/
David Wilson 6th Jun 2019

https://pixabay.com/photos/ad-announce-announcement-barrier-1238798/
Shutterbug75 Feb 18, 2016

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ys6zzEqHEg4
Psych2Go YouTube channel Oct 8, 2019

https://thedailymind.com/the-pros-and-cons-of-being-a-highly-sensitive-person/
The daily mind JANUARY 14, 2021

Glossary

  • Psychologist: An expert in emotional and behavioral issues.
  • Inherited: Genetically passed down from a family member.
  • MRI: A machine that can scan brain waves even when the person is awake.
  • Heightened: More intense than others.
  • Perceptive/Intuitive: Notice tiny details.
  • Meticulous: Similar to Detail-Orientated
  • Detail-Orientated: People who are well organised and like to know where stuff is.
  • Perceiving: Seeing the difference between things.
  • Strained: Uneasy
  • Vivid imagination: Forming distinct and striking mental images

If you are a highly sensitive child or are the parent of a highly sensitive child, you might read:
“7 Things Highly Sensitive Children Need to Know to Thrive”

HSPs and Emotional Neglect: Common Struggles & How to Heal

HSPs and Emotional Neglect: Common Struggles & How to Heal

by | Jan 26, 2021 | Highly Sensitive Person, HSP Relationships, Self Care

If your emotional needs as an HSP were ignored or ridiculed growing up, you‘re not alone. It’s not uncommon for HSPs to experience emotional neglect by caregivers.

As an HSP, you have unique emotional needs, most of which you arrived into this world with, due to your genetic trait. Some families have an understanding of how to support highly sensitive children. Other families lack this understanding and cause undue harm.

For the most part, we live in a culture in which sensitivity is viewed as a weakness. So, it’s not hard to see that your caregivers may have grown up receiving messages from their caregivers that any qualities of sensitivity within them must be buried or purged in order to succeed in life.

Unfortunately, this narrative gets passed down through generations. It’s damaging to all children, but as an HSP, you tend to absorb these messages in ways that can leave you feeling like there’s something wrong with you or you may even disconnect from certain emotions.

The good news is that there is nothing wrong with you and there are ways to recover from lingering wounds of emotional neglect from your upbringing without your caregivers themselves needing to change.

I’ll share some specific ways to tend to your needs as an adult below, but let’s first take a look at some common struggles of HSPs who have experienced emotional neglect to better understand how this shows up.

HSPs and Emotional Neglect – Common Struggles

Many HSPs don’t even realize their emotional needs were neglected until later in life. This is especially common if you grew up in a family that had the appearance of a functional, healthy home. They were there in certain ways; yet, your deeper emotional needs were left unattended.

As an adult, you may face these common struggles, which largely center on putting your needs and feelings last.

  • Codependency. HSPs feel emotions intensely, which can make you more susceptible to codependency. You may have an understanding of your caregivers’ painful upbringing and feel empathy for them. This empathy may lead you to organize your choices and behaviors in a way that doesn’t ‘rock the boat’ or cause discomfort or pain to your caregiver.
  • Decision-making. You may struggle with making decisions and identifying what you want because you learned to put the needs of others first and ignore yours. When you don’t learn to listen to your own voice, it can be challenging to trust your choices.
  • Setting boundaries. When you’ve absorbed the message that your needs are less important than those of others, it can be tough to discern your boundaries and speak up for your needs with confidence.
  • Feeling disconnected. Many HSPs I talk to report feeling disconnected from their bodies and any sense of self. When you’ve experienced emotional neglect, it takes time to differentiate where you and your caregivers begin and end.

In understanding these common struggles, self-discovery and listening to your own needs as the path forward comes into greater focus.

HSPs and Emotional Neglect – 4 Ways to Cope & Heal

1) Seek out support. Shed the rugged individualism narrative that says it’s all up to you to resolve your past pain. For HSPs who have experienced emotional neglect, support from others is a vital component to healing. Consider a therapist or coach who understands sensory processing sensitivity (SPS), but also explore ways to connect with other HSPs. When you connect with other HSPs, not only will you feel less alone, but you’ll naturally start to see yourself more clearly. When you see the strengths of other HSPs and have compassion for them, you also plant the seeds of self-compassion and recognition of your own gifts.

2) Get to know yourself. Emotional neglect separates you from your deeper self and who you really are because you’re so accustomed to seeing yourself in relation to others. When I say get to know yourself, I’m not saying to write a list of your passions or strengths. Rather, connect in with your heart’s deepest desires and ways of truly nourishing yourself as an HSP. Explore embodied practices that foster self-discovery. This could be meditation to listen inward, yoga practice to reconnect with your body’s wisdom, or a solo hike or introspective retreat that allows you to tune into what feels utterly beneficial for your whole self.

3) Reparent yourself. To reparent yourself is to give yourself what you needed as a child that you didn’t receive from your caregivers so that your adult self can thrive today. This can take many forms and may require the guidance of a therapist in cases of complex trauma. Reparenting may include learning emotional regulation tools, soothing younger ‘parts’ of yourself, practicing self-care, and clearly communicating your needs.

4) Set healthy boundaries. Setting boundaries takes practice when you’re not used to prioritizing yourself. It requires an ability to discern between that which belongs to you and that which belongs to the other, and an ability to own your own part in stopping a dysfunctional cycle. Get clear on balanced boundaries so that you don’t find yourself in extremes of enmeshed or disengaged boundaries. Practice assertive, non-violent communication. You may have compassion and understanding for someone and still stand your clear ground. It may not be comfortable at first and you may risk losing something or someone, but also consider what you have to gain.

The messages you received or did not receive as a child may have been painful, but you have the capacity to transform those wounds and there’s no shortage of HSP support in the world today to help you.

We have two online opportunities coming up soon if you’re looking for support and want to connect with other highly sensitive people:

Jan 30, 2021: Holding Space for Healing: A Day Retreat for HSPs
Authentic story sharing (families of origin theme), deep listening, and embodied practices to tune in with compassion for yourself and others without emotional overwhelm

Feb 13, 2021: HSP Support Circle + Qi Gong
Meets monthly – Each month features a new theme and embodied practice led by a special guest. Our theme for February is ‘Nourishing Your Sensitive System’ with a Qigong practice.

For Highly Sensitive People Who Feel the Pain of the World

For Highly Sensitive People Who Feel the Pain of the World

by | Oct 23, 2020 | Activism, Anxiety, highly sensitive activism, Highly Sensitive Person

Do you feel the pain of the world as a highly sensitive person?

Do you want to do something but don’t know where to start?

Do you tend to shut down when you feel overwhelmed?

Maybe you wonder if anything you do will even matter.

As a highly sensitive person who has felt the pain of the world since I was child, I get it. I know these anxieties and there are moments when I feel powerless too. The social and environmental issues I care about have felt exceedingly daunting this year.

To add to this, we’re living in a time in which most people are dealing with very real individual and family stresses. You may feel like you have enough on personal plate to serve the world around you.

Self-care and healthy boundaries are vital. It’s important to be able to recognize and honor when you have limited bandwidth. There are other times when you’ll have energy available to support others and to get active in causes you care about. There are times in which you’re energy will be best directed toward replenishing your reserves and simply tending to what’s in front of you.

I’ve been at this balance of personal and collective care for over 20 years. It took me a long time to establish sustainable ways of engaging that truly have potential to benefit the causes and people I care about and myself.

Once I did, I came to realize that taking action toward collective well-being is one of best ways to alleviate anxiety about the pain of the world.

Highly Sensitive People Who Feel the Pain of the World, Taking Action Is Key

In these current times, you’re bombarded with circumstances that lead you to feel like you have no control.

Anxiety can go into overdrive when you feel so much. You may feel powerless to do anything and stuck in a rut detached from a sense of purpose or agency.

Taking action helps to soothe anxiety because it allows the part of you that feels so anxious to experience the felt sense that you do have control over something…your actions. It also helps that anxious part witness and trust your courageous capacity.

It’s important to note that taking action need not be a burden or sacrifice that zaps your energy and lands you in depletion.

On the contrary, engaged action can be the very ground for you to empower your innate strengths and courage as you bring the depth of your humanity to life beyond your immediate circles and to the wider world to which you belong.

This can even be the place you thrive provided that you have a clear purpose and you work aligns within your strengths, energy, and circumstances.

However, it’s easy to get derailed into thinking nothing you do matters without an essential viewpoint.

Yoga Wisdom for Taking Action

You may have read my blogs or heard this teaching in my yoga classes, but it’s worth repeating a thousand times as a helpful perspective for activism, volunteer work, supporting loved ones, and even action for yourself.

This teaching comes from the Bhagavad Gita, which teaches us how to fully participate, live, and do our duties in worldly life with a stable mind and equanimity.

The primary teaching of karma yoga in this text is to do what is front of you to do because it is in accordance with that which is right and just while renouncing the results or fruit of the action. In other words, take selfless and beneficial outer action because it’s your duty or responsibility, but maintain an inner attitude of renunciation of the outcome.

You don’t control the results because there are countless other variables at play that contribute to the laws of cause and effect that cannot always be seen or known. On this same token, it’s hard to fully know if there’s a silver lining in a devastating setback.

Consider that you may plant seeds in your garden and be frustrated when a squirrel gets mischievous or the wind carries it away. Yet, maybe the squirrel or wind presented the neighbor down the street a joyful surprise and unexpected nourishment.

So many people get burned out or cynical about when their efforts don’t lead to the desired results.

From this perspective, you simply do what is within your power to support and uphold dharma, which means both your individual duty and universal natural law that benefits all living beings with the least amount of harm (ahimsa).

3 Key Considerations for Taking Action as a Highly Sensitive Person

1) Energy. HSPs take in a lot of information quickly and generally need time to cognitively and emotionally process. Get clear on what kinds of actions and environments feed and deplete your energy.  If you’re new to activism or community work, this may require some exploration to learn what fits with respect to your environment, time commitment, personal style, and means to contribute. In accordance with avoiding harm, you may explore ways to take action that don’t require a long-term commitment to start. For example, you may share fundraisers with your networks, join a letter writing campaign, attend a protest, or sign up for a text or phone banking session rather than embarking on an entire training for door-to-door political canvassing. Of course, don’t leave it at doing a thing followed by inaction, but do accurately assess what suits your energy capacity, processing pace, and need for rest.

2) Time. Some people thrive on routine and like to dedicate time each week to taking action. This is a great way to stay consistently involved. Yet, for many people, time availability varies due to other responsibilities and it can be challenging to multi-task for the HSP brain (fine, all brains). There may be weeks when all you can do is donate or show extra kindness to a stranger. There will be other weeks when you give substantially more time. Sometimes your focus needs to shift in and out depending on the circumstances and that’s okay. This means being both compassionate with yourself when you have a lot on your plate and honest with yourself when you have time or it’s possible to make time. When you find yourself spending lengthy time ruminating and feeling the pain of the world, take action.

3) Strengths. Identifying and being honest with your strengths goes hand in hand with energy because it affects the sustainability of your work in the world. You may have existing skills that can be tapped and you may have skills you need to develop. Yet, you need to know your strengths and what puts you in flow in order to discern how you can be most helpful to a cause or movement. If you absolutely despise talking to people on the phone and find yourself avoidant of conflict, campaign phone banking may not be the place you start. Yet, text banking may be an option that gives you time to respond properly. If you’re a creative HSP and/or introvert, you might take action in the form of a craftivism campaign. Maybe you’re a graphic artist or tech expert, you might support an organization with creating flyers or handing the back end of their website. Keep in mind that highly sensitive people are often great at “leading from behind” by uplifting others and supporting movements rather than needing to be headliner.

For highly sensitive people who feel the pain of the world…

There’s no question this can feel heavy and cause undue anxiety. Yet, you have the capacity to help relieve this anxiety by engaging your strengths and taking action for the well-being of all without added overwhelm or depletion.

If you want some ideas for how to take action in a way that suits your strengths and energy, I invite you to check out our next workshop on Activism for Introverts & HSPs w/ Omkari Williams.

Autumn Anxiety and HSPs: Why You Feel It and How to Cope

Autumn Anxiety and HSPs: Why You Feel It and How to Cope

by | Sep 25, 2020 | Anxiety, Highly Sensitive Person, Yoga

The following article on autumn anxiety and HSPs was originally written for Highly Sensitive Refuge under the title “For Highly Sensitive People, Autumn Anxiety Is Real”.

Do you experience anxiety when fall sweeps in? If your mood and energy suddenly feel off balance at this time of year, you’re not alone.

As a highly sensitive person (HSP), I’ve known this feeling since childhood. It’s the anticipation that arrives when the vibrant glow of summer wanes and crisp air whispers that change is imminent.

Perhaps you dislike the inevitable shorter days and colder weather. Maybe you simply have an unsettled feeling that arises from associations, memories, and existential anxiety that can’t quite be expressed through words.

If you can relate, you know the very real feeling of autumn anxiety.

Why HSPs May Feel Autumn Anxiety

While autumn anxiety is not an official mental health diagnosis, anxiety in fall is common. Some clinicians suggest anxiety may be triggered by dwindling sunlight and heightened for those anticipating change, Seasonal Affective Disorder, or upcoming holiday anniversaries.

Although anyone can experience autumn anxiety — highly sensitive or not — it’s likely that HSPs are more susceptible to it. Therapist Gillian Scully, who coined the term, has said, “It seems that people who are already quite sensitive and aware of their surroundings have been experiencing these feelings.”

Highly sensitive people are keenly aware of environmental subtleties and feel nostalgic memories deeply. It’s understandable why your nervous system may feel destabilized during seasonal change.

There’s also another way to understand the seasonal change.

Autumn Anxiety from a Yogic and Ayurvedic Lens

As a yoga teacher, I find it important to consider some of the basic principles of Ayurveda, yoga’s “sister science” for understanding health, that I’ve learned from my teachers. Anyone can benefit from simply aligning more with the seasons and nature to restore and nourish well-bring, but I find this is especially true for my highly sensitive students.

Ayurveda conceptualizes that all living beings have specific constitutions or doshas (vata, kapha, pitta) that correspond to the elements (water, fire, earth, air, and ether). The unique makeup of these within each person defines their physical, emotional, and mental characteristics and lifestyle recommendations in order to bring the doshas into balance.

Likewise, the seasons of the year are also governed by doshas and autumn is known as “vata season.” This means that the vata constitution, which corresponds to the elements of air and ether is dominant at this time of year. Autumn is associated with qualities such as windy, dry, cool, unstable, and variable.

While this perspective says that vata is dominant for everyone in fall, you can imagine how you might be affected as a highly sensitive person with a system that is constantly processing, managing overload, and perhaps experiencing variable emotions.

To bring the doshas into balance, the other elements are to be harnessed. Thus, this is a time of year for grounding, gentle warming, and stabilizing.

Even if you don’t subscribe to these teachings, you can still see how a person’s mood and mindset can be strongly affected by the natural and social changes of the seasons, and how these principles can be helpful while navigating those changes.

9 Yogic and Ayurvedic Tips to Ease Autumn Anxiety

1. Align with the season.

If you tend to get sucked into longing for warmer days or dreading frigid temperatures, draw yourself into the present time of where you are now in this seasonal cycle. This is a time to reflect upon what you’ve sown and grown and harvest and savor the nourishment. It may be a time of releasing and letting go. By integrating your inner system with your outer environment, you’ll be more able to trust in the cycles of dissolution and renewal and less fixated on your likes and dislikes.

2. Make time for daily ritual.

If you consider that this is a season of change and variability, it’s obvious that some sense of routine can help to stabilize autumn anxiety for HSPs. Yet, while highly sensitive people may benefit from routine, if you’re like me, you may not dig it. That’s completely okay. One of the ways I appease this part of me that dislikes routine is to allow for variety and exploration within routine. For example, you might set aside a regular time for a yoga practice, but listen to the seasons of your body to determine what sort of breath and movement practice would be beneficial. One of my students takes morning walks and noted that she changes the route a little each time to maintain interest.

3. Create a sensitive sanctuary.

While not everyone has the privilege of expansive space or freedom from neighbor noise, you may still have a space in your home that you can dedicate as a sacred corner for your ritual practice. Maybe it is also the place where you go to be with your emotions. Keep it simple but feel free to be creative. Cozy blankets, noise cancelling headphones, candles, and special mementos can all help facilitate a feeling of enjoying the process of turning inward…where your home, body, and mind are places you want to be.

4. Sync with sunlight.

Aligning with the day and night cycles is just as important to your system as the cycles of the seasons. You may not be an early bird and I’m certainly not suggesting to go to sleep at 6 p.m. Yet, it’s important to sync with those morning daylight hours and your circadian rhythm as much as possible. Rather than setting an early alarm, you might start going to sleep a little bit earlier each night so you’re more naturally able to wake up early.

5. Restore with grounding yoga practices.

You know that yoga can support you in focusing and settling your senses. This is a good time for slow and steady yoga that integrates mildly warming practices that facilitate stability and grounding. You might focus on poses that center you in your feet and legs or restorative practices that allow you to feel your body nestling into the ground. This is also the season for turning inward with calming pranayama or meditation practice. Yoga nidra (yogic sleep) is also a wonderful way to relax and replenish.

6. Eat and cook with the season.

Consider the local foods in your region that you can integrate into your cooking and diet. Nature does a wonderful job of supplying the nutrients you need in a given time of year. Overall, this is the time to opt for warm, cooked, grounding, and seasonal foods (squash, hearty greens, sweet potatoes, apples, brussel sprouts, nuts, oils, mild spices, etc.) and really engage your senses mindfully in the process of cooking and preparing them. Here is one of my favorite fall recipes that aligns with Ayurvedic principles.

7. Stay connected.

Though autumn is a time of harvesting and turning in, this doesn’t equate to isolation. Autumn is a vital time to balance inward-oriented practices and activities with healthy community connection. You might consider seasonal activities with loved ones you can safely partake in during the pandemic: socially distanced outdoor activities like visiting an orchard or building a campfire. You may explore ways to connect with other HSPs like you.

8. Explore creativity and curiosity.

There was a time in my life when I despised winter, so I didn’t care for autumn since it leads to winter. It wasn’t until my mid-twenties that I made a commitment to spend time outdoors doing activities I love such as hiking, even in cold weather. Consider how you might awaken curiosity and explore the most mundane aspects of your surroundings, even when it’s gloomy. Perhaps there’s a new hobby to try out or an old childhood pastime to reignite.

9. Show yourself compassion.

There may be moments when not every part of you is fully available to practice and engage with the tips above, and that’s okay too. In those moments, whether life feels heavy or you feel like a frenetic mess, give yourself a break. Be loving and compassionate to those parts of yourself too, just as you would to a friend going through a tough time.

When anxiety comes with seasonal changes, it can be helpful to remember the simple truth that seasons do indeed cycle. Summer will come again, emotions will shift, and you’ll always get through it.

Over to you…

If you struggle from autumn anxiety, what helps you cope and enjoy the season more?

Highly Sensitive Activists: Your Sustainable Fuel for the Long Haul

Highly Sensitive Activists: Your Sustainable Fuel for the Long Haul

by | Jun 18, 2020 | Activism, Anxiety, highly sensitive activism, Highly Sensitive Person, Yoga

Highly sensitive activist? Is this a thing? Honestly, I’m not sure, but I invite you to come forth and make it one because your care, complexity, and courage are needed.

Whether you already see yourself as a highly sensitive activist or are reluctant to consider yourself as such, I believe you’ll find the tips in this article helpful in how you can bring yourself to the world.

Highly sensitive people can make strong, effective activists. You may feel the injustices of the world deeply and want to have an impact. Yet, you might get stuck feeling overwhelmed and distracted and hesitate to get active. Or maybe you have been involved in activism and experienced burnout or compassion fatigue.

Stepping forth and holding focus while preventing depletion requires a true balance of beneficial action and supportive rest. Balance gets talked about a lot, but I want to dig a little deeper into the nuance of what this really means, as I discuss some of these key ingredients for sustained activism.

Today I want to share some tips with you for how to manage your energy and perspective as a highly sensitive activist so that you can get involved, stay engaged, and prevent burnout.

First, I’d like to say more about why I’m writing this. 

I recently wrote a call to action to my email list to bring forth the strengths of sensitivity in support of Black Lives Matter.

I heard from people who want to do something but question whether they can make a difference. I also heard from folks that are struggling to cope with anxiety amidst the many societal changes and personal hardships and don’t feel they have the energy to put forth.

I get the frustration and despair. And I hear that many of you are working through healing of your own.

I also know many of you face constant anxiety related to your experience as a person of color in a world in which you have to teach your children how not to get killed by those who are supposed to protect.

White readers, please read that again. Added daily anxiety because of the color of your skin.

Yes, it IS our collective duty to examine ourselves and systems we live in while advocating for policies that promote real social justice.

We must engage in deeper work that heals collective trauma that many Black and Indigenous People of Color (BIPOC) face every moment of every day.

But does your voice and action make a difference? What if you feel like you’re at your capacity?

I’d like to share how I build reserves and manage my own sustainable fuel needed for the long haul of individual and collective healing as a highly sensitive activist.

6 Tips for the Highly Sensitive Activist

1)  Know your overarching purpose. Highly sensitive people thrive on purpose. Get in touch with your “why” behind your actions. Knowing what you’re committed to fighting for will help you regroup and refocus when things get tough.

When I consider my purpose, I draw wisdom from yoga teachings and social work values that have informed my life. You may have other wisdom to draw from, here are mine:

  • Yoga asks me to live in accordance with dharma, which includes taking wise, just, and beneficial action toward that which upholds collective good for all beings and the planet.
  • Social work perspective asks me to apply systems theory to understand how environments and individuals interact and take action at the point of this intersection.

Both ask me to listen to the experiences of others. And they ask me go beyond myself and the people closest to me and make it clear that it’s incumbent upon me to widen my circle of care from my individual reality to the greater good.

2) Take beneficial action without attachment to the outcome. This might be one of the most critical perspectives that helps me keep going when it feels like the world is falling apart.

The problems of the world can feel overbearing to a highly sensitive activist. There are moments when you’ll wonder if your efforts are pointless. In those moments, I remember Krishna’s words in the Bhagavad Gita (paraphrased from a yoga text about conflict in a setting of conflict):

You may not control your environment, other people, or even the results of your actions. Yet, you DO have control over your own actions. Do your duty for the sake of the action itself and not the fruit of those actions.

Of course, expectations or desired outcomes are normal and necessary. Without them, you may not act. The teaching here is that you are responsible for just action toward collective good, even if it doesn’t yield your intended outcome. (Also embedded here is that there is always more than meets the eye and the ripple effects of your actions, karma, are unknowable.)

Adopting and living this perspective can free up your busy HSP brain for other matters. So…write the letter. Create provocative art. Donate money. Canvas your neighborhood. Do the right thing regardless of the immediate results (of course, knowing that sometimes the course of action will need to be reevaluated).

3) Name and celebrate successes. Just because you don’t control the full results of your actions, doesn’t mean that the collective contributions and positive outcomes shouldn’t be recognized. Systemic change is a slow process made up of many smaller milestones.

Even though there’s urgency, pay attention to the little victories and celebrate them. Incremental successes can be the fuel that keeps you and your community going and builds broader support for the cause.

Consider the concept above of not knowing the full ripple effects of your actions. Likewise, the results of your actions will ripple out into the future beyond your lifetime.

Take a look at what the first 10 days of sustained protests accomplished for Black Lives Matter.

4) Consider engaged action as healing action. When you have a lot on your plate, you may feel like you don’t have much energy left to take action. You might feel like you need to focus on yourself right now.

Self-care is important. At the same time, engaged action is also an empowering vehicle for healing and managing the other challenges of life.

If you struggle with anxiety or are working through trauma, you know how impactful it is when you tap into your sense of personal agency. Personal agency brings the locus of control back to you.

Engaged action in your own life reminds you of your resilience and capacity. Engaged action in your community reconnects you to the depth of your humanity and immerses you fully in life. Both play essential roles in individual and collective healing journeys.

You don’t have to do all the things as a highly sensitive person. Consider your skills and how you can apply them to affect positive change. Determine your bandwidth and set a plan of action for yourself within those parameters. Start small and grow from there.

5) Rest and restore. Self-care is a term that gets thrown around so much these days as temporary pleasure that it makes many of us want to throw up a little (as one person said during a recent yoga and reflection group)… the same way that “yoga as an escape” bothers many of us teachers since it is so far from the purpose of yoga.

Self-care is not an excuse to avoid discomfort or what’s in front of you to do. It’s making supportive (non-shaming, non-prescriptive) choices. It’s using discernment to set boundaries and know when to say no. It’s carving out space for your grief and emotions.

Notice when you feel resistant to resting. This may be when you need it the most.

Restful practice is vital to replenishing your highly sensitive reserves and capacity so that you can continue to show up tomorrow for yourself, those around you, and your work.

6) Choose your battles wisely. This is something I constantly have to reign myself back in with. And it relates to when and how you use your voice.

If you’ve been following the discussions on anti-racism, you know that many activists are asking you to have that “hard conversation with your racist uncle” or “call out racist behavior” on social media.

This is incredibly important and we need to take that call to heart and live it. Yet, without nuance as to when and how to do this, you can easily find yourself on a fast road to depletion and massive frustration. This doesn’t mean you don’t do the tough thing, it just means to apply consider when and how you direct your energy. Here are some questions to keep in mind:

  • Have you had the same circular conversation with your relative at every family gathering? If so, consider preserving your energy. Maybe you express your view and set boundaries, but if you’ve been down that road, don’t take the bait.
  • Are you in a work meeting in which your Black colleague is being asked to do the emotional labor of speaking for all Black people? This might be a time to say something. Yet, the when and how require tremendous discernment based on the context, power dynamics, and manner in which you say something. Here are some considerations for allyship worth reading.
  • Is your high school buddy who is a generally kind person sharing memes with racist undertones? Consider “calling him in” with a private message rather than shaming him on his Facebook page. He may be more likely to listen (and even remove the post).

Highly sensitive activist, you’re going to get tired and you’re going to make mistakes. Yet, your passion, voice, and engaged action are needed for collective healing.

8 HSP Holiday Anxiety Triggers + How to Cope

8 HSP Holiday Anxiety Triggers + How to Cope

by | Dec 5, 2019 | Anxiety, Highly Sensitive Person

Do you face HSP holiday anxiety?

First off, you don’t have to be highly sensitive to experience holiday anxiety. There are enough pressures, time crunches, and social marathons to cause even our non-HSP friends to feel stressed.

However, there are some triggers that only HSPs understand. And even universal holiday anxiety triggers tend to affect HSPs in a way that can feel especially intense.

That isn’t to say that the holidays are absent of joy. They can feel joyous too; it’s just really a mixed bag for HSPs.

And well, bypassing HSP holiday anxiety triggers isn’t helpful. Ignoring these triggers can make the experiences feel unbearable and wreak havoc on your nervous system leading to further anxiety.

By shedding light on the holiday anxiety triggers of HSPs, you may find that:

  • You’re not alone and other HSPs experience similar holiday anxiety triggers.
  • Identifying triggers is a key step for learning to honor and cope with them.
  • Preparing yourself for HSP holiday anxiety triggers goes a long way.
  • You can cope with the triggers in a way that allows you to enjoy the holidays.

The following list is by no means exhaustive of HSP holiday anxiety triggers, but it speaks to some of my own as well as what I’ve heard from my clients.

8 HSP Holiday Anxiety Triggers

1) Loud Environments

Many HSPs feel overwhelmed when it comes to noisy environments. An HSP might do okay there is just one loud thing. But if you add on cross talking while an HSP is trying to listen to someone, screaming babies, holiday music, and football blaring from the television all at the same time, the HSP nervous system goes haywire.

2) Commercialization and Consumerism

At a sensory level, HSPs can easily feel overwhelmed by the bombardment of advertising, lights, bells, and crowds that permeate the holidays. And at an emotional level, many HSPs feel deep sadness when that sensory experience is rife with consumption and disregard for the impact on our society and planet. I don’t want to be Melancholic Melissa, but it takes immense energy to reconcile joy and love for others with abundant waste and harm to others.

3) F-ing Fragrance

Many HSPs are intensely bothered by perfumes and colognes. It can really feel like a violation of space and senses. Living in the world means that intrusive chemicals that make me wheeze and sneeze are unavoidable. And well, I don’t know, the stress of the holidays must really make people think they stink because it seems the dowsing goes over the top when people put on their festive attire.

4) Travel

Even vacation travel can be stressful for HSPs due to the various aspects of planning and uncertainty involved. When you pile on time constraints, stifling traffic, financial costs, smuggling baked goods through airport security, and other expectations that can go along with the holidays, traveling can quickly feel overwhelming to HSPs if we don’t keep some considerations in mind.

5) Dressing Up

I used to think I was the only woman who hated dressing up until I met other HSPs. HSPs can be sensitive to the feel of certain textures and many garments feel so constricting that you want to jump out of your body. So, why not skip the aggravating attire? Well, for me, what feels okay one day can literally become my most despised item of clothing the next. I’m not sure what this sudden shift is about, but it’s a real occurrence.

6) Politics

Hey, hey, before you start calling me a “snowflake” (grits teeth), both liberal and conservative HSPs alike that I’ve talked to can feel highly triggered by political conversations. While some people find political differences to be interesting fodder for a fun debate, as an HSP, what you feel and believe is connected right to the center of your heart. HSPs want to connect in meaningful ways, and therefore, may prefer to focus on topics that build connection.

7) Grief

HSPs feel everything deeply, which can mean feeling intense nostalgia. Nostalgia can be a beautiful experience of recalling memories. But it can feel overwhelming if you’ve lost a loved one, experienced divorce, or faced other life-changing circumstances. You know what I mean. A family memento, music, wistful images of fond memories, a Christmas movie scene, spices in the kitchen, you name it…any of these can bring about a tsunami of emotion.

8) Small Talk

The holidays can entail office parties, family gatherings, seeing old friends, among other social events. Some of those events can mean attempting to catch up with many people within a couple of hours or awkwardly looking for ways to make interesting conversation. HSPs are acutely aware of their own feelings of inauthenticity when it comes to small talk and jumping from conversation to conversation can feel exhausting.

How to Cope with Holiday Anxiety Triggers as an HSP

  • Know your triggers. Being able to identify them can help you to physically and mentally prepare for how to deal with them when they arise.
  • Have some go-to tools. Grounding techniques, longer exhalations, gentle body movement, and focusing your gaze in one place can all be helpful tools for managing holiday triggers. This isn’t a one-size fits all though, so you will need to explore what works best for you.
  • Wear comfy clothes that feel like you. There are enough triggers to deal with, so you might as well choose comfort as one thing you can control so that your body has a greater likelihood of feeling at ease.
  • Ask for what you need. Ok, so asking your uncle to wash off his cologne is a little like telling your sister her top is ugly after she made the purchase and is wearing it. But there are things you can request. If you’re having a conversation and feel bombarded with noise, ask to turn down the TV so you can listen better. Or ask if the two of you could go in the other room so you can really hear them.
  • Feel your feelings. When grief or trauma come up throughout the holiday season, allow yourself to be with it. Carve out time for a particular ritual or practice to offer yourself space to grieve. Giving yourself time can reduce the likelihood of the flood gates opening at an inopportune moment. Although if this happens, that’s okay too…be loving with yourself.
  • Get curious in conversations. It’s not just HSPs that worry about small talk. Assume others can be deep too. Consider what you know is happening in their lives. Ask them about the things that you know interest them, if they’re working on anything creative, what they like about their new job, what the highlight of the last weekend/month/year was, and so forth.
  • Plan and prepare but expect the unexpected. If you know you’ll be traveling for the holidays, go ahead with getting errands done early and making checklists. But knowing that there may be some unexpected hiccups along the way can help in adopting a “go with the flow” attitude when circumstances are out of your control.
  • Take care of yourself. I know you’re tired of hearing about self-care, but taking time before and after holiday activities can be invaluable when it comes to how your nervous system responds in triggering situations. Get some sleep, hydrate, cozy up with tea.
  • Find the joy. I recall there was a gathering not so long ago with my Italian family in which the volume of talking, laughter, and musical acts was totally amped up. My system felt overloaded, but then I sort of let all the sound blur together looked around. I saw people I love laughing, singing, and bouncing little babies. In that moment, I felt an HSP tear sneaking up, but more for the joy I was witnessing than for the noise trigger.

What about you? What are you most triggered by during the holiday season and how do you manage those triggers?