I’m Wired to Care: Here’s How I’m Sustaining My Activism Without Burnout

I’m Wired to Care: Here’s How I’m Sustaining My Activism Without Burnout

by | Apr 2, 2026 | Activism, Self Care, Social Justice

If you prefer to listen, I’ve also made a video: Sustaining Activism Without Burnout

Being a deeply feeling person is a lot right now. There’s a loneliness that comes with caring about things that many people around us seem to ignore or shrug off.

For me, looking away isn’t an option. My core values are dignity, justice, and moral courage. Turning away would mean a disconnection that carries its own cost, burnout among them.

Yet letting everything in at full volume isn’t sustainable. We’re not meant to take in and process this much suffering, so quickly, day after day. The question I keep returning to is:

How do I stay responsive to injustice without abandoning my well-being in the process?

I don’t have perfect answers. What I have are imperfect practices that are helping me stay engaged and intact. Some of them might be useful to you too.

Staying Engaged Without Going Under

I. Capacity

Tending to the Basics

I won’t belabor the obvious, but when I neglect sleep, food, movement, and nature time, everything else on this list gets harder. Here are a few things that help me remove friction:

  • Prep and batch: Chia pudding waiting in the fridge. Dry smoothie ingredients already together in containers.
  • Combine the basics: One act can meet several needs. Walking, resting in a park, or eating a meal in the fresh air.
  • Build in check-ins: Setting reminders to lie on the floor for ten minutes sounds small, but it helps me reset.
  • Protect the wind-down: I keep a regular sleep schedule and make time to read as part of the transition.

Stewarding My Attention

My phone charges in the living room, not my bedroom. I avoid it in the first hour of the day. That often means skipping the news altogether.

I don’t watch the news. I manage my news intake by reading longform articles from a few trusted sources. It’s gentler on my nervous system, as I can control the pace and mitigate sensory overload. Text is less manipulative than video, which uses music, imagery, and editing to provoke emotion.

When the urge to scroll hits, I think of the techno-fascist broligarchs who profit from our outrage, data, and attention. That thought helps me put my phone down.

I’ve also left activist chats that were overwhelming my nervous system to better tend to a select few. My partner is in those chats and follows the news. It doesn’t take the same toll on him. If something happens, I’ll hear about it.

Letting My Self-Care Be Flexible

Over time, I’ve learned that the kindest, and most functional, thing I can do is meet my body and mind where they are. This means letting go of rigid expectations. One question I often ask myself is:

If my body had a voice, what would it ask for?

My yoga practice is less about consistency in form and more about consistency in responsiveness. Sometimes that’s an active asana sequence, other days it’s ten minutes of pranayama or shavasana. When my mind wants to jump to the news in the morning, I meet that impulse with a book instead. Reading may come before I move my body. The order matters less, as long as I make time for both.

I’ve also raised the bar on what deserves my stress. Work has been genuinely hard this past year, and I don’t want to minimize that. But I’m learning to meet challenges with patience, noticing what isn’t worth holding onto and letting it go.

II. Perspective

Asking How I Want to Show Up

My mind can spiral into dark trajectories. But dwelling in “what if” pulls me out of the place where I have power—here, now, in how I choose to respond.

The Bhagavad Gita teaches that engaging in the world is superior to withdrawal. Key to this worldly engagement is the teaching that we are responsible for our actions but not in control of their results. I return to this again and again. I don’t know where this moment will take us. But I can do what’s in front of me with integrity and love.

When I feel pulled into reaction, I try to focus on how I want to show up within this reality. That means noticing which inputs, behaviors, and thought patterns push me toward overwhelm, and which help me remain steady. It helps to focus on where I have agency.

Seeing Beyond Our Human Lens

Human crises take up so much space. The more-than-human world continues, even under threat. Leaning into the natural world offers a perspective outside of human-caused chaos.

A herd of deer in a nearby forest preserve broadens my view. They find ways to live even after humans have encroached on their habitat. I visit them regularly, sitting at a distance and imagining the world through their eyes. Being among the deer, trees, and birds gives me a sense of belonging to something larger and older than the current moment.

This perspective doesn’t erase my grief or anxieties, but it offers breathing room.

Practicing Hope

The late scholar and activist Joanna Macy spoke about active hope as “something we do rather than have.” We generate hope and become a person who is hopeful by participating in the future we want to see, even when we lack optimism. Hope, in this sense, isn’t passive—it grows when we act and notice possibility and progress, however small.

I recently attended a lecture by historian Rashid Khalidi. Even while addressing the ongoing genocide in Gaza, he spoke of hope due to the enormous shift in public opinion about Palestine. More people than ever are not only opposed to the genocide, but are understanding the broader historical context. Awareness creates possibility. We can help grow awareness while responding to material needs (more below).

Ultimately, I’m finding hope by helping to create it with other people who care. Together, we’re actively building a microcosm of the future we want to see.

III. Action

Balancing Consumption With Action

Burnout doesn’t only come from doing too much. It can come from taking in distressing information without acting in alignment with our values.

I aim to keep consumption and action in balance. Even small acts interrupt feelings of helplessness and restore a sense of agency. I may take a short-term action tied to an issue. Often it means returning to my ongoing mutual aid and rapid response work, perhaps recommitting to a role, finding a new angle, or noticing where different issues intersect.

For example, voter suppression and immigrant safety aren’t separate issues. During recent primaries, volunteers stood outside voting centers in vulnerable communities to monitor for ICE activity so that constituents could exercise their right to vote.

Small Actions Impact People

The scale of what we’re facing can make individual acts feel futile. Yet, collective action is simply individual action, aggregated and organized. Every person who decides to act helps to strengthen our movements and build power.

On November 8, 2025, thirteen workers were swiftly (and randomly) abducted in my town. Hundreds of people took to their blocks to whistle and alert others to ICE activity. We couldn’t protect those initial people, but I know our community defense efforts helped ensure some parents return home to their children that night.

One person who brings food to a community fridge means someone eats. When ten neighbors do it, the impact multiplies. Whether you’re one or part of ten, these acts matter.

Acting Close to Home With Mutual Aid

Mutual aid is the practice of direct reciprocal care among neighbors. It’s one of the oldest forms of human solidarity, and it’s having a necessary renaissance.

My partner and I help run a free store. Neighbors donate housewares and furniture, and anyone can take what they need. It’s an alternative economy that meets material needs, strengthens community, and keeps usable items out of landfills. I’ve watched hundreds of people leave with both what they needed and a greater sense of connection. 

A few of my friends have developed a hyperlocal organizing model called Block Keepers (“B Keepers”). B Keepers organize their immediate area to share resources, coordinate mutual aid, and look out for each other. They help build community preparedness so that neighbors know who is vulnerable, who has resources, and who will show up when something happens. If you’re interested in starting something similar, the B Keepers Playbook offers practical guidance to get going (I’ve removed the contacts for privacy).

Working at a scale where I see the tangible impact keeps my hope alive.

Showing Up for the Macro Issues and Beyond Borders

While I’ve moved most of my activism locally, I also know we need to keep the pressure on the larger levers of power. 

I’ve unsubscribed from newsletters in order to focus on what I can realistically do. I still follow the weekly emails from my friend Omkari Williams, who curates 10-minute actions related to current issues such as calls to senators and targeted boycotts, among others.

Gaza is always on my mind. Phone calls, boycotts, and protests remain important. I also know it’s demoralizing when our calls go unanswered. When I feel despair, I look for ways to provide direct aid. Watermelon Sisters sends 100% of donations directly to their team in Gaza to provide food, essential supplies, and art therapy for children. A trusted friend is closely involved, I’ve met the founder, and I can vouch for the integrity of their work.

If you’re able to give, you may donate to Watermelon Sisters or follow and share their work.

Knowing My Lane

Not every cause is mine to lead or join. Saying no to some things has helped me say yes to roles that match my strengths.

Last fall, I was asked to admin a rapid response chat. I said no. At first, I felt guilty, knowing everyone was exhausted. Yet, I also noticed people who seemed better able to handle the high volume of communication. What I could say yes to was organizing small-scale ICE watch teams and protocols, responding to alerts, and offering support to responders.

We bring diverse personalities, skills, and circumstances. That means the work will look different for each of us, including the unseen work that happens out of the spotlight.

Read Omkari Williams’ article: Sustainably Living the Activist Life (Part 6): Unseen Labor

IV. Connection

Leaning into Mutual Aid as Relationship

The free store is not only about things. It’s a dignifying space where everyone is welcome. We connect people to other resources, provide ongoing support, and respond to evolving needs. Some of those who arrived as shoppers have joined the team. We’ve built friendships. Relationship is inseparable from the material support of mutual aid work.

The B Keeper model works on the same principle. Community care means creating stronger systems of care in everyday life. That in itself is important, but these systems of care also set the stage to better respond to whatever the future brings.

More Connection and Less Screen Time

It’s not enough to put down our phones. For true well-being, we need connection with people willing to share and hold space for grief, joy, anger, and laughter.

Last fall, I helped organize a fundraiser that grew into unexpected friendships. We meet up regularly for storytelling events, painting classes, and even a mini weekend retreat. We also attend the heavier films and lectures.  

A couple months ago, we saw The Voice of Hind Rajab (see it—with others!) , which was followed by a Q&A with one of the actors. Bearing witness—over the length of a film, in the company of others, with space to process afterward—is profoundly different from scrolling through social media images alone. 

Grief, which might otherwise calcify into despair, becomes solidarity.

Trusting the Collective Rhythm

The pressure to constantly do more can come from others, ourselves, or both.

Rest isn’t a reward for doing enough. It’s what makes any of this sustainable. I’m learning to follow my capacity rather than push past it. I’m trusting that when I step back, others will carry things for a while, and that I’ll do the same for them.

That kind of trust in reciprocity is built over time, by showing up alongside people long enough to know the load is shared.

Final Thoughts

None of this is linear. Some days I feel balanced; other days, everything hits me hard. 

What I return to is this:

Social change has always been driven by ordinary people. Both impacted communities and allies have found ways to resist, create, love, and endure, even in difficult conditions. Each act of care and courage might feel small, but it shapes lives now and contributes to the world we leave for future generations.

I’d love to hear from you—what’s helping you keep going right now?

HSPs and Emotional Neglect: Common Struggles & How to Heal

HSPs and Emotional Neglect: Common Struggles & How to Heal

by | Jan 26, 2021 | Highly Sensitive Person, HSP Relationships, Self Care

If your emotional needs as an HSP were ignored or ridiculed growing up, you‘re not alone. It’s not uncommon for HSPs to experience emotional neglect by caregivers.

As an HSP, you have unique emotional needs, most of which you arrived into this world with, due to your genetic trait. Some families have an understanding of how to support highly sensitive children. Other families lack this understanding and cause undue harm.

For the most part, we live in a culture in which sensitivity is viewed as a weakness. So, it’s not hard to see that your caregivers may have grown up receiving messages from their caregivers that any qualities of sensitivity within them must be buried or purged in order to succeed in life.

Unfortunately, this narrative gets passed down through generations. It’s damaging to all children, but as an HSP, you tend to absorb these messages in ways that can leave you feeling like there’s something wrong with you or you may even disconnect from certain emotions.

The good news is that there is nothing wrong with you and there are ways to recover from lingering wounds of emotional neglect from your upbringing without your caregivers themselves needing to change.

I’ll share some specific ways to tend to your needs as an adult below, but let’s first take a look at some common struggles of HSPs who have experienced emotional neglect to better understand how this shows up.

HSPs and Emotional Neglect – Common Struggles

Many HSPs don’t even realize their emotional needs were neglected until later in life. This is especially common if you grew up in a family that had the appearance of a functional, healthy home. They were there in certain ways; yet, your deeper emotional needs were left unattended.

As an adult, you may face these common struggles, which largely center on putting your needs and feelings last.

  • Codependency. HSPs feel emotions intensely, which can make you more susceptible to codependency. You may have an understanding of your caregivers’ painful upbringing and feel empathy for them. This empathy may lead you to organize your choices and behaviors in a way that doesn’t ‘rock the boat’ or cause discomfort or pain to your caregiver.
  • Decision-making. You may struggle with making decisions and identifying what you want because you learned to put the needs of others first and ignore yours. When you don’t learn to listen to your own voice, it can be challenging to trust your choices.
  • Setting boundaries. When you’ve absorbed the message that your needs are less important than those of others, it can be tough to discern your boundaries and speak up for your needs with confidence.
  • Feeling disconnected. Many HSPs I talk to report feeling disconnected from their bodies and any sense of self. When you’ve experienced emotional neglect, it takes time to differentiate where you and your caregivers begin and end.

In understanding these common struggles, self-discovery and listening to your own needs as the path forward comes into greater focus.

HSPs and Emotional Neglect – 4 Ways to Cope & Heal

1) Seek out support. Shed the rugged individualism narrative that says it’s all up to you to resolve your past pain. For HSPs who have experienced emotional neglect, support from others is a vital component to healing. Consider a therapist or coach who understands sensory processing sensitivity (SPS), but also explore ways to connect with other HSPs. When you connect with other HSPs, not only will you feel less alone, but you’ll naturally start to see yourself more clearly. When you see the strengths of other HSPs and have compassion for them, you also plant the seeds of self-compassion and recognition of your own gifts.

2) Get to know yourself. Emotional neglect separates you from your deeper self and who you really are because you’re so accustomed to seeing yourself in relation to others. When I say get to know yourself, I’m not saying to write a list of your passions or strengths. Rather, connect in with your heart’s deepest desires and ways of truly nourishing yourself as an HSP. Explore embodied practices that foster self-discovery. This could be meditation to listen inward, yoga practice to reconnect with your body’s wisdom, or a solo hike or introspective retreat that allows you to tune into what feels utterly beneficial for your whole self.

3) Reparent yourself. To reparent yourself is to give yourself what you needed as a child that you didn’t receive from your caregivers so that your adult self can thrive today. This can take many forms and may require the guidance of a therapist in cases of complex trauma. Reparenting may include learning emotional regulation tools, soothing younger ‘parts’ of yourself, practicing self-care, and clearly communicating your needs.

4) Set healthy boundaries. Setting boundaries takes practice when you’re not used to prioritizing yourself. It requires an ability to discern between that which belongs to you and that which belongs to the other, and an ability to own your own part in stopping a dysfunctional cycle. Get clear on balanced boundaries so that you don’t find yourself in extremes of enmeshed or disengaged boundaries. Practice assertive, non-violent communication. You may have compassion and understanding for someone and still stand your clear ground. It may not be comfortable at first and you may risk losing something or someone, but also consider what you have to gain.

The messages you received or did not receive as a child may have been painful, but you have the capacity to transform those wounds and there’s no shortage of HSP support in the world today to help you.

We have two online opportunities coming up soon if you’re looking for support and want to connect with other highly sensitive people:

Jan 30, 2021: Holding Space for Healing: A Day Retreat for HSPs
Authentic story sharing (families of origin theme), deep listening, and embodied practices to tune in with compassion for yourself and others without emotional overwhelm

Feb 13, 2021: HSP Support Circle + Qi Gong
Meets monthly – Each month features a new theme and embodied practice led by a special guest. Our theme for February is ‘Nourishing Your Sensitive System’ with a Qigong practice.

Yoga for Highly Sensitive People: A Practice in Self-Love

Yoga for Highly Sensitive People: A Practice in Self-Love

by | Mar 23, 2019 | Anxiety, Highly Sensitive Person, Self Care, Trauma, Yoga

It’s no secret that yoga can support highly sensitive people. A slow-paced, nurturing yoga practice can be just the medicine to calm an anxious nervous system and learn to befriend the most uncomfortable thoughts and feelings highly sensitive people often encounter. Today I want to share with you a yoga practice I put together to help you access qualities of calmness and compassion within yourself. 

But before you watch my yoga for highly sensitive people video, I want to offer a few tips to help ensure your yoga experience is supportive.

  • First, start by giving yourself permission to adapt and/or skip postures in this video if they don’t feel right. You can simply breathe, take another posture, or give yourself a little shoulder massage. Then join back in when you’re ready.
  • Remember that yoga above all is a practice of breathing and connecting to the self. The postures are there to bring you into the moment, and thereby, a place of connection.
  • This practice uses a yoga mat, two blocks, and a bolster. If you don’t have blocks, you may have books or other items around your house that you can use. If you do not have a bolster, sometimes cushions or a thick, folded blanket will work as a substitute.
  • Many parts of this practice can be done lying on the floor or in a bed. Other parts can be done using a chair. You can also check out this full chair yoga video I made a while back if getting up and down is difficult for you.
  • Finally, feel free to comment below to let me know what you liked about the video, what you could use more of, or any parts that felt confusing to you. 

Enjoy yoga for highly sensitive people in my “Unsinkable Self-Love for HSPs” video. 

How to Stop Absorbing Other People’s Emotions

How to Stop Absorbing Other People’s Emotions

by | May 9, 2018 | Highly Sensitive Person, HSP Relationships, Self Care

“How to Stop Absorbing Other People’s Emotions” was republished with permission from www.tinybuddha.com. You can find the original post here: “How I Learned to Stop Absorbing Other People’s Emotions”.

I felt her agony and loneliness as if it were my own. Even as I write that sentence, my eyes well up and heaviness fills my heart. Then, I’m reminded to apply the advice I give others.

My mom was a special person, a sensitive soul just like me. Actually, I’m so much like she was, yet so different. One of the differences between us is that I had an opportunity to observe her life’s challenges. I saw her challenges reflected within myself and made a conscious choice to find healthy ways to cope.

You see, my mom was a deep feeler and felt the emotions of people near and far. I imagine it was her strong empathy and personal challenges that led her to want to help others, as a wounded healer in a sense.

But as a helper and healer, she struggled with her mental and emotional health over the years. Witnessing her life moved me to learn how to regulate my own sensitive emotions and set healthy boundaries.

Sometimes I wonder if not knowing how to manage her empathy is what made her sick.

There are many ways to understand the challenges my mom battled before her death in 2007. From her perspective, she had a rare, unknown physical illness. Some who knew her may have thought she was manipulative and attention-seeking. Some would see an addiction to pain medication. Psychologists would diagnose her with a psychosomatic disorder, borderline personality disorder, and bipolar disorder.

Maybe all and none of those explanations are true. But perhaps she didn’t have any “disorder” at all. I’m not really asserting that to be true, but merely posing a curious question. What if she was just a sensitive, empathic person who lacked the skills to manage the pain around and within her? What if one unhelpful coping mechanism led to a slew of other ailments?

I believe my mom felt real physical and emotional pain. I struggled to fully understand her over the years. But after many years of reflection, I now trust her experience because of what I know about my own sensitive nature.

As sensitive people, we may present with high emotion and feel easily overwhelmed by our senses. We’re often told by the world that there’s something wrong with us. And when we think there’s something inherently wrong with us, we tend to tuck these traits away into our “shadow” or unconscious mind.

Well, now we’ve not only tucked away our core essence, but possibly the empathic depth that goes along with being a sensitive person as well. There may be a part of us that knows that we’re emotional sponges. Yet, we may choose to ignore our nature without really learning how to manage our empathy in such a way that prevents “dis-ease” and fosters well-being.

This was me for a long time.

Not only am I prone to feeling depleted and drained in situations with certain people, but the emotional pain of others tends to show up in my physical body. When I over-feel, my throat feels like it’s closing and as my chest constricts, my chronic back pain flares up.

My boyfriend was complaining of one of those small, painful pimples inside his nose recently. I got one as well. We joked about sympathy pains, but I do wonder sometimes.

I’ve felt the emotional pain of my family, friends, clients, and strangers. It’s not a simple, “Oh, I feel bad for him.” It’s feeling the despair and rejection of that teenager whose parents didn’t pick him up when he was released from the behavioral hospital where I worked. It’s the deep anguish of being that relative who feels no one believes her and she’s all alone.

I feel challenged to find the right language to express it all because the deep heartache and heavy burden is a feeling not a word.

The thing is that no matter how painful it is to feel the weight of the world in my body, I wouldn’t trade my depth and ability to feel for anything. The empathy that comes with high sensitivity is a true gift if we know how to use it.

We need more kind, compassionate people if we want to heal the world. Sensitive people have a natural capacity to show kindness because of our profound empathy.

Deep empathy gives us a special strength in relating and connecting with others. When we genuinely care, we’re more apt to be able to understand another person in a way not that all people can. Our sincerity can help us to develop meaningful, fulfilling relationships.

Relationships offer us a chance to not only grow a deep sense of connection with another human being but also an opportunity to learn about ourselves. Both of these are integral to the human experience.

And as sensitive people, we feel intense pain, but we also feel intense joy.

Yet, regulating our empathy is key to stopping the flood of emotion from overwhelming our ability to cope and care for our well-being.

If we want to stop absorbing other people’s emotions, it all starts with taking care of our physical, social, mental, emotional, and spiritual needs. I know it sounds like the whole world is harping on the idea of self-care, but there’s a reason for this.

When our own immune system or energy is depleted, we become a perfect sponge for sopping up emotions. We must take care of ourselves to avoid absorption in the first place.

6 Steps to Stop Absorbing Other People’s Emotions

1. When you notice heavy emotion, start by labeling what you’re feeling. Labeling helps to bring us into a state of pause, which can help us to gain a little distance from the emotional experience for a moment. Even a little distance helps us to begin to stop absorbing other people’s emotions.

2. Ask yourself whether what you’re feeling is yours, someone else’s, or a mix of the two. It can be difficult to discern the difference sometimes. One approach I like to take is if I think I might be feeling a particular person’s “stuff,” I’ll imagine the person as completely whole, content, and full of light. Then I’ll revisit my own experience and see if I still feel the same way. This played out in a recent loss in my life. While I was experiencing my own grief, when my relative who was closest to this person seemed to start to heal, I realized that much of my sadness released as well.

3. The moment you catch yourself feeling emotions that aren’t yours, raise your awareness of what’s happening within your mind and body. It can help to say the word “compassion” to yourself as a way of intentionally focusing on what you can do to be supportive rather than allowing yourself to be overpowered by emotion.

4. Take a deep breath and notice where in your body you feel the calmest, grounded, or neutral. It might be as simple as your toe or finger. Bring your attention to that place in your body and allow it to be a centering force to keep you grounded while you process and release any feelings you may have absorbed. Sometimes just having one calm place in our body can serve as a resource when the rest of you is feeling overwhelmed.

5. Return the other person’s emotions to them. It is not your responsibility to carry other people’s emotional distress, and equally important, it helps absolutely no one. Try saying to yourself, “I’m letting this emotional pain that is not mine go now.” Remember that other people have to go through their own processes in order to grow. When you stop absorbing other people’s emotions, you give both yourself and the other people a better opportunity to grow.

6. Use visualization to fully release the emotions. I find that it helps me to visualize a waterfall flowing through my body as a final release of any residual emotional gunk I might be carrying.

At the center of all of the above steps is building the awareness to know when we’re allowing ourselves to absorb and adopting tools to stop absorbing other’s people’s emotions. As a sensitive person, your empathy is a gift that the world needs. It’s up to each of us to channel our empathy into greater compassion so that we can remain strong and well.

For more HSP relationship tips and tools, check out my in-depth Highly Sensitive Person’s Relationship Guide.

Emotional Regulation as an HSP: 10 Experts Offer Advice

Emotional Regulation as an HSP: 10 Experts Offer Advice

by | Apr 7, 2018 | Highly Sensitive Person, Self Care

If you’re a highly sensitive person (HSP), you know that developing emotional regulation as an HSP can be challenging at times.

As HSPs, we feel our emotions deeply. Whether we feel anger, excitement, or sadness, emotions fill us up viscerally and can impact our well-being. Our profound empathy can lead us to feel the emotions of those around us and we may find it difficult to set healthy boundaries.

HSPs are highly attuned to the subtle nuances of our surrounding environments, not just emotions. We process information at an exceptional level of depth. Thus, we may be easily overwhelmed by information and sensory stimulation of daily living.

Not all of us are taught how to respond to challenge and regulate our emotions early in life. The absence of self-regulation skills can make it challenging to develop a sense of emotional regulation as an HSP in adulthood.

But if we know how to harness the power of our sensitivity, emotional regulation as an HSP doesn’t have to be so difficult.  

Since it’s essential to learn effective tools for self-care and emotional regulation in order for HSPs to cultivate emotional balance, I’ve gathered expert tips from psychologists, authors, and coaches on how to use your sensitivity as a strength for coping with intense emotional and life challenges.

Be sure to read through to the very end to take full advantage of all resources and profound wisdom of our HSP experts.

Emotional Regulation as an HSP: 10 Experts Offer Advice

Emotional Regulation Tip #1: Set intentions daily for energy, meaning, and joy

“It’s a heck of a lot easier to maintain emotional regulation as an HSP than having to find and regain it. This particular Highly Sensitive Introvert technique keeps me grounded. I’m less anxious, more productive, and I can “unhook” more easily in those challenging I’d-rather-not-be-me-in-this-moment emotional situations.

Develop a list of easy-to-answer daily intention setting questions. These questions should get at which feelings you want to experience and what would make the day meaningful. By drawing on your sensitivity to get clarity about who you want to be today and what you would like to contribute, you give yourself the emotional roadmap and destination you need to stay oriented (even when you start to get flustered) so you can access your best self and find your way through. Need an example to get started? Read 10 questions I ask daily.”

—Eva Rubin, LCSW/MPH, Certified Massage Therapist, HighlySensitiveIntrovert.com

Emotional Regulation Tip #2: Take a step back to gain perspective

“When distressed by world events, step back. You are witnessing interesting times. The earth is flowering into an amazing place, dominated by our species’ growing numbers and technology. It will inevitably wilt someday, whenever we run out of resources, but now or later? Will we grow up enough to take some charge of our planet? Slow climate change? Can we consider other species needs? We know fairly exactly the numbers and behaviors of almost all large animals on earth, from elk to tigers, as well as what they need. Now what? Okay, it can be very distressing to watch what is happening. But seen from another perspective, isn’t it amazing to be alive today, witnessing this?

Take downtime…Yearly, weekly, and daily down times. I do two hours a day of rest and meditation and no work or use of the computer after dinner. Aim for one week off a month and one month off a year. Now, six months in a lifetime? To get that time, say no when necessary. No one knows but you when you need to set a limit. Don’t be the reason, by saying yes when you need to say no, that people you care for quite unwittingly cause you stress.”

Watch Sensitive: The Untold Story

—Elaine Aron, Psychologist & Author of The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You, HSPerson.com

Emotional Regulation Tip #3: Sit with your emotions

“I am no stranger to the emotional highs and lows that accompany being highly sensitive. One of the things that has helped me the most with emotional regulation as an HSP is taking a Taoist approach to my emotional and energetic ups and downs. I flow with the river of my own cycles, instead of constantly fighting against them. When I am feeling moody and introspective, I honor that feeling by spending time alone doing gentle activities. I also make a conscious effort to sit with my emotions and truly feel them. I no longer fear that taking time to process my feelings and experiences makes me lazy or selfish. I simply accept that my emotions will ebb and flow like water. And that’s okay.”

—Michaela Chung, Author of The Year of The Introvert & Creator of IntrovertSpring.com

Emotional Regulation Tip # 4: Label your emotions

“I’ve always been a very sensitive person. I always seemed to feel too much. As a child, when the teacher scolded another student, I could feel the tension within my body as if I myself were being scolded. As an adult, I often take on the emotions of the people around me. For example, when my partner is feeling grumpy or stressed, I start to feel that way, too.

One thing that has helped me with emotional regulation as an HSP is to name them. Research shows that by naming our feelings, we can scale them down to size. For example, I might say to myself, “You’re feeling stressed right now because you have a lot of work to get done in a short amount of time.” Or, “You feel tense because your partner is tense.” Taking a moment to be aware of my mental state, and labeling the feeling, helps me better control my reactions.”

—Jenn Granneman, Author of The Secret Lives of Introverts: Inside Our Hidden World & Founder of IntrovertDear.com

Emotional Regulation Tip #5: Ask yourself, “Whose emotion am I feeling?”

“Highly sensitive people tend to go on sensory overload since they can become emotional sponges. They take on the angst and joy of the world. In The Empath’s Survival Guide, I discuss how important it is to get in the habit of asking yourself this question: Is this emotion or energy mine or someone else’s? If if belongs to another person begin breathing deep and slow to release the toxic energy from your system. Then practice the 3-minute heart meditation where your focus on something you love and put your hand over your heart center in the middle of your chest. This will center you and quickly release any negative energy.”

—Judith Orloff MD, Psychiatrist & Author of The Empath’s Survival Guide: Life Strategies for Sensitive People, DrJudithOrloff.com  

Emotional Regulation Tip #6: Improve your critical, creative thinking skills.

“Sensory Processing Sensitivity is fundamentally activated by emotions. We receive stimulation from an external source and immediately feel an emotion. We begin to process that emotion more elaborately than those without the trait. Most of us haven’t been taught to practice high-quality thinking that is grounded in universal standards such as clarity, precision, accuracy, relevance, significance, depth, breadth, logic, and fairness. Thus, we often practice a shallower type of thinking that is either primarily egocentric (“how does this affect me in the here and now?”) or sociocentric (“I’ll just go along with everyone else to get along”).  

Emotion regulation implies that we have a greater command of our executive center, which is at the heart of questioning the emotions we experience. When we’re able to embrace a thought process that is critical and creative, self-monitoring and self-corrective, and do so as a lifelong practice, we may well be on the way to better regulation of our often strong, intense emotions.

A great place to begin exploring how to improve your thinking is CriticalThinking.org. I highly recommend two books: Critical Thinking: Tools for Taking Charge of your Professional and Personal Life, by Richard Paul and Linda Elder (2014) and Learning to Think Things Through, by Gerald Nosich (2011). Both are powerful introductions to how you can improve your thinking skills.”

—Dr. Tracy Cooper, Researcher, Author, and Higher Education Professional, DrTracyCooper.com

Emotional Regulation Tip #7: Clean up what’s not working

“Changing how you feel about feelings as a highly sensitive person can help you in endless ways. We are taught that feeling bad is a bad thing, that you should have control of your emotions, and if you don’t, there’s something wrong with you.

Emotions are not meant to be controlled; they’re meant to be felt. Ignoring emotions, stuffing how you feel, and avoiding the root cause can lead to emotional destruction. However, the emotion itself is not to blame. Your emotions are intuitive tools to help you recognize how you’re feeling and bring attention to what is making you feel that way. Once you notice what you notice, focus on what you can do something about and make any needed changes.

As a sensitive, it’s your nature to feel deeply. Embrace your emotions as intuitive signals. Let them guide you along your path. Shift your mindset to use your emotions to help you clean up what’s not working in your life for less stress and you’ll open up space for more peace and happiness.”

—Nicole Isler, Self-Empowerment Coach at NicoleIsler.com

Emotional Regulation Tip #8: Connect with those who bring you comfort

“One of the most powerful ways HSPs can use their sensitivity to build emotional resilience is to use our finely tuned empathy for others. Often we feel we need solitude to emotionally regulate — and we do— but as humans, we also have an innate need to connect with others. Our nervous systems are biologically designed to co-regulate.

For years, I struggled to find others who soothed my highly sensitive nervous system. I didn’t have a calming partner and children are not good options for emotional support. I felt guilty or weak for being sensitive and unable to “successfully” juggle life’s demands. Through my desire to understand the inner workings of myself and others, I began to connect with others more deeply. The more I connected, the more I felt understood, centered, and calm. And interestingly, more comforting people entered my life.

By using our ability to sense others’ feelings and needs, we’re able to connect on a deeper level. When we feel overwhelmed or in need of emotional care, connecting with others we trust can be calming and comforting. It brings us back to equanimity. My advice is to use our positive deep connections with others to regulate our sensitive nervous systems.

—Brenda Knowles, Personal & Relationship Coach & Author of The Quiet Rise of Introverts, BrendaKnowles.com

Emotional Regulation Tip #9: Inform yourself about sensitivity to express your needs

Many HSPs are told as children that there is something wrong with them for being sensitive, and thus, their self-esteem suffers. It’s imperative for parents of HSCs to learn how to raise a sensitive child so that they don’t feel shame for their sensitivity. Parents should read The Highly Sensitive Child by Dr. Elaine Aron. If they have a sensitive boy, my book, The Strong Sensitive Boy, deals with unique challenges for sensitive boys.

Many adult HSPs don’t feel comfortable stating their needs. How can HSPs get their emotional needs met if they don’t express themselves? I encourage my clients to immerse themselves in HSP literature and groups to raise their self-esteem. Watch Sensitive the Movie. There are Meetup groups, gatherings, Facebook pages, and Yahoo chat groups for HSPs. The more that we learn to love our trait, the easier it will be for us to state our emotional needs.

When I was writing, The HSP Survival Guide in 2003, I felt shame when some responded that it was a silly title for a book. I can now state that I’m proud to be a sensitive man. As HSPs learn to embrace their sensitivity, they’ll easily be able to regulate their emotions by stating their needs rather than trying to fit in with the 80 percent non-HSP culture. Another resource is my book The Power of Sensitivity, which includes 44 stories from HSPs from 10 different countries who used their sensitivity to overcome emotional challenges and assert their power as HSPs.

—Dr. Ted Zeff, Author of The HSP Survival Guide, The Strong Sensitive Boy, and The Power of Sensitivity, DrTedZeff.com

Emotional Regulation Tip #10: Show sensitivity to yourself with kindness

“When I was first asked to contribute to this important article I kindly declined the invitation. I felt that I couldn’t possibly contribute to such a piece when emotion regulation was something I struggled with myself. I thought that surely an expert contributor must be someone who has all those emotional ups and downs smoothed out nicely into a gently meandering path through life.  

In the process of sharing my doubts, I noticed myself alternating between having cruel thoughts towards myself for being “so useless” to having compassionate thoughts for being “understandably afraid”. At that moment, it dawned on me that where my sensitivity can help the most is when it is shown toward myself in the forms of self-love, self-acceptance, self-compassion, and self-forgiveness.

Whether it’s my emotional ups and down’s, my self-doubt that holds me back from contributing, or any other struggle I might face as an HSP, I can navigate these challenges more easily if I am gentle, kind and patient with myself. Showing sensitivity to myself helps me find emotional balance and frees me to be my best.”

—Janine Ramsey, Licensed Counselor for HSP Women & Founder of Sensitivity Style, JanineRamsey.com.au

The last tip in this series really hit home for me. Having struggled with self-criticism myself, I know the power of opening our hearts to ourselves with the same genuine, sensitive compassion we show to others.

I encourage you to access the wealth of resources noted in this article to help you develop the skills for emotional regulation as an HSP.

And if you’re interested in connecting with other HSPs in beautiful locations around the world, consider attending one of my retreats for introverts and sensitive souls. Our Mexico Retreat for Highly Sensitive People & Introverts + Snorkel with Whale Sharks is just around the corner and filling up fast.

8 Things Highly Sensitive People Need for Self-Care

8 Things Highly Sensitive People Need for Self-Care

by | Mar 24, 2018 | Highly Sensitive Person, Self Care

There are specific things highly sensitive people need to practice good self-care. Yes, self-care is important for everyone, but highly sensitive people tend to have specific needs. If we don’t take time for these things, we can easily wear ourselves down to the bone.

When we take a look at what it means to be a highly sensitive person, we start to understand that we’re frequently inundated by stimulating experiences that overload our senses. If you’re at all like me, the simplest things like the fluorescent lights of an office space or bustling activities of the grocery store can leave you feeling depleted.

As highly sensitive people, we’re deeply attuned to our environments and we take in a lot of information. We process stimuli at a deeper level physically, mentally, and emotionally. We’re also prone to feeling more intensely and absorbing the emotions of others.

When it all becomes too much, we tend to isolate ourselves in order to recharge. The challenge is that if we spend too much time alone or inside, we start to feel disconnected, as we may still lack the things we need as highly sensitive people to take care of ourselves.  

As I’ve come to learn more about how my high sensitivity impacts my life, I’ve been better able to understand the self-care I need to keep myself healthy and anxiety-free. Once we practice these simple means of self-care, we’re able to step into the strength of our sensitivity.

8 Things Highly Sensitive People Need for Self-Care

1. Scheduled recharge time. Highly sensitive people need time to recharge after extensive socializing or intense sensory experiences. While we’re not always at liberty to take time when we need it, we can do our best to schedule it when possible. As an example, for my two Peru retreats, I’ll be “on” the entire time. I scheduled a week in between them to give myself ample time to rest and be able to hold space for the next group. Plan ten minutes to lie down in a quiet room after a day of work. Schedule alone time before parties and avoid back-to-back activities to get the downtime you need.

2. Enjoyable sensory experiences. There are plenty of unenjoyable sensory experiences in the external world. Motorcycles, overpowering fragrances, and uncomfortable textures get me. Since we are so aware of the subtle, it’s important to bring the sensory experiences that we do enjoy to our lives. Chill out with your favorite music, give yourself a massage, or breathe in the smell of fresh herbs. Soft, cozy clothes go a long way for this gal.

3. Connection with people who listen. One of the things highly sensitive people need most, which can sometimes go overlooked, is connection. We don’t need a lot of people, but a few close friends who we feel can offer us the same level of empathy and genuine care that we offer them goes a long way. This can be tough for us to take time when we feel drained. But it’s important to make time for the relationships that nourish us and learn how to connect more deeply. 

4. Permission to take time to process information and emotions. As highly sensitive people, we process at a much greater depth than our non-sensitive peers. This means our brains are integrating complex ideas and it may take time to arrive at ideas or answers. Don’t expect that others will extend permission to process at your own pace to you. As highly sensitive people, we need to give ourselves permission that it’s okay to take our time. Then, we must let others know that we need a little time to process and will follow up once we’ve taken that time.

5. Minimalism. Minimalistic practices can really help highly sensitive people create calming environments. When we have too much stuff in our lives, we are prone to stress and visual and mental overstimulation. Think about it, when we have more things in our environment, we’re more easily distracted or worried about attending to those things. Decluttered, calm spaces can give highly sensitive people space to breathe.

6. Connection with nature. The natural world offers highly sensitive people an opportunity to connect with our senses and unwind our minds. Nature can help us to reduce stress and restore calm by giving us quiet solitude and a time to breathe nourishing oxygen into our bodies. If you don’t have time for a hike or retreat, take just a few minutes outside to feel your feet on the ground or the sun or rain on your skin.

7. Healthy food. Highly sensitive people may notice heightened sensitivities to certain foods or find that alcohol, caffeine, or sugar takes a toll on our bodies. This doesn’t mean we need to adopt rigid diets and eliminate the foods we love. But as highly sensitive people, we can really benefit from preparing and eating fresh, colorful foods that feed our senses in a multitude of ways. Likewise, drinking plenty of water is important.

8. Meaning. One of the things highly sensitive people need more than anything is a sense of meaning in our lives. Meaning makes life beautiful for us sensitive souls and it can come in many forms. We may have jobs that feel meaningful, but I wouldn’t call that self-care. There are other ways we find meaning. We crave meaningful conversation with others, but also love discovering meaning in our own solitary practices such as yoga or art.

There are some things highly sensitive people need to show up for themselves and others. It’s vital that we take time to do the things that warm our hearts and give us energy. Sometimes we need time alone and sometimes we need connection. 

If you want to connect with highly sensitive people like you who understand your needs, consider adventuring with us from July 29th to August 4th, 2018 on a Mexico Retreat for Highly Sensitive People & Introverts + Snorkel with Whale Sharks!