How Our Pursuit of Comfort Affects the World Around Us

How Our Pursuit of Comfort Affects the World Around Us

by | Oct 11, 2023 | Uncategorized

It’s perfectly understandable that highly sensitive people find many aspects of our current world uncomfortable, and even overwhelming at times.

Unfettered industrial growth has created environments that often feel jarring to our sensitive nervous systems, so it’s natural that we have a tendency to retreat into that which feels safe and familiar.

But here’s the thing: there is such a thing as too much comfort.

The relentless pursuit of comfort and convenience has hidden consequences that can degrade our individual, social, and environmental well-being.

If we want to foster greater individual and societal resilience while reducing the negative impacts of our comfort-driven lifestyles on the planet, we need to pause to consider the costs of our choices and reevaluate our priorities.

The Comfort Bias

Human beings are wired for comfort. Our brains are finely tuned to seek pleasure and avoid discomfort or pain.

This instinctual drive has served us throughout our evolutionary history. Yet, the level of comfort we enjoy today—and have come to expect—is a relatively recent development and not reflective of what we considered to be “needs” throughout the majority of human history.

(As a side note, much of this article critiques the modern comforts that come with a certain level of privilege that may not be fully applicable to everyone reading.)

Endless hot showers, oversized houses that require enormous energy use, and a constant stream of disposable consumer goods have become the norm, despite the fact that the planet and its inhabitants cannot sustain this way of living.

Let’s not romanticize going back to the past, but instead pause to ask ourselves:

What does a more reasonable balance that respects and supports the well-being of our social and natural worlds look like now?

The Hidden Costs of the Pursuit of Comfort

Excessive comfort comes at a cost at various levels, and it’s time we start examining and acknowledging it.

Individual Consequences

Avoiding discomfort can limit our ability to grow and realize our capacity. When we stay within our comfort bubbles, we narrow our worlds, making it harder to deal with life’s challenges when we are inevitably faced with them.

As HSPs, we may love quiet alone time, but too much isolation can mean missing out on developing meaningful relationships. We may enjoy the routines and creature comforts of our homes, but then we neglect our adaptability as humans–something I believe we need to nurture in today’s world.

There’s also been a trend for some time with setting boundaries and “saying no”. While setting healthy boundaries and finding the courage to decline invitations or requests are undoubtedly important, it’s possible to go overboard to a point that’s destructive to our own personal growth and the health of our relationships.

Relational Consequences

Our pursuit of comfort often leads to the creation of echo chambers and filter bubbles, which is only exacerbating biases and divisiveness in our society.

Shutting out different perspectives hinders our ability to engage with diverse ideas and meaningful dialogue. In doing so, we jeopardize the health of our democracy, as open discourse and collaboration are essential for its vitality.

It’s important to note that for highly sensitive people, having connections to like-minded people can be critical for embracing who we are. At the same time, we need to be careful that we don’t restrict our social connections to those only who share our values–or ways of thinking and behaving.

Environmental & Societal Consequences

Perhaps the most significant and far-reaching consequence of our relentless pursuit of comfort is the toll it takes on the environment and society.

We may not question the environmental footprint of our large homes, energy-intensive lifestyles, and the consumption of goods we believe will make us happier.

Yet, this thirst for physical comfort and material convenience blinds us to the environmental degradation and labor exploitation that often lie behind our modern comforts.

We become complicit with habits that contribute to climate change, resource depletion, and social injustices that disproportionately affect vulnerable communities.

As responsible global citizens, we need to confront the uncomfortable truth that our comfort often comes at the expense of others and the planet.

Re-imagining Comfort, Resilience & Sustainability

To build a more resilient and sustainable future, we can confront our comfort biases and ask some essential questions:

  1. How much is enough? Challenge the status quo and evaluate what level of comfort is necessary, reasonable, and truly enhances your quality of life.
  2. What are the impacts of my choices? Consider whether your choices narrow your world, dampen resilience, or negatively impact others or the environment.
  3. What are my values and priorities? Reflect on what truly matters to you and whether your choices around comfort align with your core ethics and values.

We don’t all have to nudge our edges of comfort in the same way at the same time. But by leaning into discomfort, we can take actions toward a more sustainable, healthy, and resilient future for ourselves and the planet.

Flying with Ease: How to Manage Anxiety on Long Flights

Flying with Ease: How to Manage Anxiety on Long Flights

by | Jun 29, 2023 | Travel, Uncategorized

You’ve taken the leap and booked your trip. The anticipation of the adventures that lie ahead fills you with excitement – envisioning awe-inspiring sights, savoring delightful new flavors, and immersing yourself in the sensory experiences of the places you’ll visit.

Yet, nestled within this excitement comes some unease about the flight.

Embarking on a long flight can feel daunting, especially for sensitive people given that we’re so attuned to our environments.

As a retreat facilitator, I’m used to lengthy travel, but even I experience some dread when it comes to long-haul flights.

Several participants from our upcoming retreats have expressed nervousness. So, I’ve put together some tips to set the stage for a more comfortable experience.

 

Prepare in Advance to Manage Anxiety on Long Flights

1) Pack Intentionally: Bring items that offer comfort and shield you from external stimuli. Wear comfy clothing. Airplanes can get cold, so pack cozy layers and socks. Consider packing noise-canceling headphones, ear plugs, an eye mask, and a travel pillow. Some travel pillows even have heating and massage features.

Though not a typical travel pillow, I use the Pillow Cube Sidekick. With a window seat, it sits perfectly between my neck and the wall without collapsing. It’s not small, but can be squished into a carry-on without losing its shape. This also ensures I have a good side-sleeping pillow during my travels.

If you’re sensitive to smell, masks can serve as a barrier for perfumes or other scents, as can a tiny bit of Tiger Balm under your nose (if you’re okay with this scent).

If you’re checking your luggage, be sure to pack a change of clothes and essential toiletries in your carry-on.

2) Consider a Stop-Over: If you can extend your travel by a day or two, consider a stop. Identify the major airports where flights from your city are likely to stop. See if you can book two separate flights or a flight with an extended layover. This year, I’ve booked an overnight stay in Abu Dhabi on my way to Thailand, which is actually cheaper even with hotel costs.

3) Choose the Right Seat: Paying extra to select your seat can be worth it for long flights. Window vs. aisle is a personal preference. I always opt for the window because I like being able to gaze out, lean against it, and have one side of me without a person there. However, if you’re tall, maybe you prefer the aisle (or exit row) to stretch your legs more often. Look for flights that offer a Premium Economy option. Some premium economy seats offer more seat recline, leg room, and wider arm rests.

4) Talk to Professionals: If you’re feeling highly anxious, talk to your doctor and/or therapist about ways to manage your anxiety. This might be tools and techniques or anxiety medication for the flight.

 

Create a Relaxing Inner & Outer Environment

1) Engage Your Senses: Curate a playlist of calming music, guided relaxation, or yoga nidra. Give yourself a massage to self-soothe (also for circulation). I pack a tennis ball to lean into for relief from chronic knotting in my upper back. Use your senses to cope with anxiety on long flights.

2) Breath Awareness: Slowing your breath, particularly your exhale, can help calm your nervous system. Exhale to the extent you can, notice the brief pause at the end of the exhale, and then, allow an easy, gentle inhale. Repeat and invite your breath to be a loving travel companion. 

3) Grounding: Become aware of all the points of contact your body makes with a support beneath you and notice what is holding you. Another grounding technique is to Identify a relaxed or neutral place in your body (maybe a hand or toe) that can serve as an anchoring resource. Let your attention rest there as you breathe gently.

4) Befriend Your Anxiety: Become fully aware of your anxiety. Maybe give it a name. Acknowledge its worries with compassion, as a loving adult would to a scared child. Further, you can let this part of you know you’ve “got this” while continuing to soothe and tend to its concerns as needed.

 

Self-Care & Movement

1) Stay Hydrated: Dehydration can intensify feelings of anxiety and discomfort. Drink plenty of water and avoid excessive caffeine and alcohol.

2) Gentle Movement: While in your seat, you can incorporate shoulder rolls, neck movement, ankle circles, gentle twists, and arm stretches to promote circulation and relieve muscle tension.

3) Walking Breaks: Movement can help release endorphins and alleviate restlessness. Take short walks around the cabin to stretch your legs.

4) Rest: Keep in mind time changes and your circadian rhythm. Sleeping on airplanes may not be easy, but at least give yourself time to close your eyes for extended periods.

 

Distraction & Entertainment

1) Engage in Reading / Listening: Give yourself something to look forward to on the plane. Download new episodes of your favorite podcasts or save that book you’re dying to read.

2) Watch a Movie: Most long-haul flights feature a wide selection of films, television series, and even language lessons to help pass the time. Of course, opt for calming shows and comedies.

3) Creative Pursuits: Consider carrying a small sketchbook, coloring book, journal, or puzzles to foster relaxation and focus.

 

When Managing Anxiety on Long Flights, Remember This

You can prepare all the things and still encounter discomfort. However, part of what can make travel meaningful is your own choice to test your edges and strengthen your resilience. Each moment, even the journey there and away, can be a time for reflection – a time to get to know your own capacity. Remember to be kind and patient with yourself along the way.

Do you experience anxiety about flying?

Feel free to share a comment about how you manage anxiety on long flights in a comment below. Or check out the following:

Read: HSP Travel Tips: 8 Ways to Preserve Your Energy
Listen to: How Introverts Can Take the ‘Drain’ Out of Travel — and Enjoy It More

How I Balance My Energy as an HSP Retreat Leader

How I Balance My Energy as an HSP Retreat Leader

by | Mar 22, 2023 | Highly Sensitive Person, Travel, Uncategorized

People often ask me how I balance my energy as an HSP when I’m leading retreats.

This is a question I’ve had to ask myself repeatedly over the years. Despite the capacities people see in me when I’m facilitating a group, I’ve faced plenty of leadership challenges.

Like most HSPs, I have a tendency to experience sensory overload when traveling. While I can handle quite a lot, my nervous system freaks out if I push past a certain point.

I also care deeply about the people I serve. I value providing experiences in which my clients feel supported. Yet, as an HSP who gives and feels a lot, I can wind up absorbing other people’s emotions if I’m not careful.

To show up fully for my retreat groups, it’s imperative that I make space for my own needs. Learning to balance my energy as an HSP has taken discernment and practice, but I’ve found a few things to be supportive.

Even if you’re not leading retreats, you might find a helpful nugget of wisdom here.

6 Things I Need to Balance My Energy as an HSP Retreat Leader

1) I create spacious schedules.

I know facilitators who are like energizer bunnies. They can happily teach and socialize all day long. This is not me. The downtime I structure into my retreat schedules is just as much for me as it is for my clients. I need time to rest, as well as to process experiences and emotions that come up if I’m going to prevent depletion. Even when I was working as a social worker, I was capable of really challenging work. Yet, I did best when I had the flexibility and autonomy to take breaks so I could close my eyes for a few minutes or even let out a few tears in the bathroom.

2) I ensure I have quiet personal space

As an HSP retreat leader, I spend a lot of time being there for others. I need a space that I can rely on as a safe haven of quiet and solitude. I usually ensure I have my own room set away from others. Sometimes I’ll share a room with a co-facilitator since this can allow for easier check-ins and communication. If I do share, I inform the other person in advance that I’ll need silence sometimes when we’re in the room together.

3) I adapt my personal practices.

The practices that help me balance my energy as at home are not necessarily what I need when leading retreats. Recently, I started a Morning Pages practice. I was in a consistent flow of writing three pages every morning. But I accepted this would change during a retreat, as I knew good sleep would be a more functional practice. So, I wrote however many pages at whatever time of day I felt drawn to write. When it comes to my yoga practice, one reclined yoga pose or sitting in meditation before teaching yoga feels more grounding than an elaborate asana practice. The simplest of practices help me regulate and recharge. I lie on the ground with my legs elevated, close my eyes, and allow myself to be held.

4) I work with partners I trust to provide support.

I learned the value of support when I broke my foot in Guatemala two days before my first retreat ever. That’s a story, but it showed me how important it is to have people to lean on (sometimes literally). I typically hire an assistant and make a point to work with venues and guides that I really trust will provide support. It helps that the local guides I work with take the reins when they’re guiding. This gives me the opportunity to relax and enjoy experiences alongside my clients. One thing I’m still practicing is the skill of delegating–and recognizing when I’m taking on a role that someone else can do.

5) I communicate my boundaries.

As a facilitator, it’s my responsibility to be accessible to participants. This means that there are times when I sacrifice some alone time in order to answer questions or tend to someone’s needs. That being said, I also remind myself that I’m allowed to have boundaries. When I first began leading retreats, I’d often drop whatever I was doing to help someone. I’ve learned to reel in this tendency. Now I confirm I’m glad to help, but if it’s not an urgent matter, I’ll propose a time to chat after I’ve given myself time to recharge.

6) I embody “enough”.

There was a time I placed pressure on myself to get everything “right” in my retreats. I’d have a nagging feeling that I had to plan every detail of my classes. I constantly noticed shortcomings or would feel self-critical. I’ve faced major challenges during these retreats: breaking a foot, mountains of stinky sargassum seaweed washing ashore, and even a trip highlight being closed last minute. Still, even with the biggest setbacks, I have clients who will still comment about how much they loved their retreat. My experience over the last seven years has taught me that whatever I do is enough, as long as it’s with intention, care, and integrity.

Final Thoughts on Balancing Energy as an HSP Leader

There are many ways to approach energy management as an HSP. If you’re in a leadership role, it’s important to identify and assess your own strengths and needs to know what’s right for you. Making space for your needs will help sustain your energy and allow you to actually show up for others in the way you intend.

Of course, if you’re interested in joining me on a retreat, I invite you to check out my upcoming HSP Retreats.

Photo by PNW Production

6 Common Leadership Challenges of the Highly Sensitive Leader

6 Common Leadership Challenges of the Highly Sensitive Leader

by | Aug 21, 2019 | Anxiety, Highly Sensitive Person, Personal Growth, Uncategorized

This article was originally written for Highly Sensitive Refuge under the title “6 Challenges Every HSP Leader Must Face — And How to Overcome Them”.

Many highly sensitive people (HSPs) are natural leaders. As an HSP, you have a unique way of seeing the world, which is likely accompanied by a high level of emotional intelligence and deep thinking. You likely also have the ability to inspire and bring others together — whether you realize it or not.

Yet, being a highly sensitive leader comes with real challenges that can feel overwhelming. This is especially true if you’ve received a lifetime of false messages about what it means to be a leader.

You’ve been fed a paradigm that says leaders have bold confidence, magnetic charisma, and quick thinking abilities. These qualities are still very much valued in our society, so you may be slow to see yourself as a leader or feel frustrated when you’re undervalued.

This happens even to HSPs in established leadership positions. I have to admit that occasionally a part of me falls prey to this narrow notion of leadership. When it does, I start to doubt myself. And that doubt can make me question whether I embody leadership qualities at all.

It’s taken me twenty years to let go of limiting beliefs about what a leader is and embrace the important skills I bring to my work as a highly sensitive leader who guides international retreats for sensitive people.

But, despite the stereotypes, I believe that highly sensitive people make excellent leaders. We don’t need to be afraid to step up. And I truly think that our gifts as HSPs allow sensitive leaders to make a positive difference.

Let’s take a look at the challenges of being an HSP leader — and how to manage them effectively while creating space for your innate strengths to blossom.

Challenges Highly Sensitive Leaders Face and What to Do

1. You may resist being a leader at all.

Even if you’re in a leadership role already, part of you may still doubt your abilities. And if you’ve never led before, you may think it’s just not “for you” — that only very aggressive people really step up into leadership. You may get this impression at work, in politics, in organizations you belong to, or even in the parent/teacher community at your child’s school.

And it’s easy to see why. Not only do others often have a bias, but the responsibilities of leadership can sometimes feel overwhelming to HSPs. Especially if you dislike being the center of attention (which is common for some HSPs, but not all) and prefer being behind the scenes.

How to overcome it:

Commit to owning your role and your strengths.

Can you identify sensitive leaders you admire? Even if you’re not sure they’re HSPs, you can spot caring leadership. For example, I see Ruth Bader Ginsburg as a leader with clear purpose, strategic thinking, and courageous persistence. She’s careful and poised, but very strong. Can you see similar strengths in yourself?

Draw on these examples to consciously release the need to be like the non-HSP. Instead, get curious about the distinctive ways your sensitivity helps you show up as a leader. Write those strengths down and feel them in your body.

Remember: Owning your role as a leader is not an act of pride or power. It’s for the benefit of those looking for guidance. When I first began leading retreats, I deliberately avoided the head of the table during meals. I resisted putting myself in the “power seat” because I didn’t want to be seen as such. But the best of intentions don’t always have the best impact. Several times, a guest with a stronger personality would end up directing the energy of the table. Over time, I learned that as a space holder, it was vital to care for my position of leadership in order to care for my guests.

You can own being a highly sensitive leader in a firm, gentle way. It’s not that I always sit at the head of the table. But I am more aware of how I can use the keen awareness that comes with my sensitivity to ensure a supportive environment for everyone.

2. You struggle with decision-making.

One of the four traits that define an HSP is depth of processing. It means you think deeply, but you need time to make sense of information you consume — and that can make decision-making a challenge. HSPs see the subtle consequences of many different paths, and may get stuck analyzing or second-guessing decisions for fear of making the “wrong” choice.

How to overcome it: 

Explore new ways to make decisions.

The caution that HSPs employ can be an asset provided that it doesn’t immobilize you. Start by asking whether something is a smaller or bigger decision. For small decisions, it may help to balance your detail-oriented nature with the bigger picture to refrain from overthinking. Let go of “right” and “wrong” and perhaps opt for the “good enough” choice. 

For bigger decisions, give yourself permission to take some time to process. But don’t just process with your intellect.You may have great analytical skills, but you’re also a feeler. Practice getting in touch with the reactions of your body and deeper self by asking, “How does this decision feel?”

Not only do some decisions require time, but sometimes they also require other people. Know when to reach out for support. A decisive person with a quick answer may not have the best plan, but they may give you a new way of thinking about the issue that helps you see your priorities.

3. You need time to articulate your thoughts.

Being a deep processor can also mean you need time before verbalizing your thoughts and may struggle with performance anxiety. And you don’t always know how much time is enough. For example, there are times when I think I’ve processed, but the thoughts whirling around in my head do not quite find their way into coherent sentences when they come out. When HSPs speak before processing, ideas may not come out right, which can make you doubt yourself further.

This is only harder if you think of “leaders” as giving fast, off-the-cuff responses to everything. But, of course, they don’t.

How to overcome it: 

Give yourself and others permission to take time to process.  

One of the main things to remember as a highly sensitive leader is that when you allow yourself time to process, you can better navigate your way through your ideas and values. So take your time processing, but be wary of fearful tendencies wanting to keep your ideas in isolation. It’s important to share your ideas.

You’re not alone — there are likely others that need time before speaking. When I’m leading retreats, I urge guests to give themselves permission to participate how they choose. I acknowledge my own difficulty with getting my thoughts out verbally, so that others remember they can take their time, too, and that none of it has to be perfect. As a leader, you can shift the quick-witted culture to make it okay to take time to process.

4. You feel exhausted when you notice everything.

You pick up on the stress of others and feel it. You also notice when other “leaders” are ego-driven, showy, and insensitive.

But it’s not just people that trigger you. Sensory overload from environmental stimuli — and all of the excess information you’re carrying around in your sensitive brain — can all lead to depletion and difficulty focusing.

How to overcome it: 

Use your awareness of subtleties to care for yourself and your people. 

Feeling everything can be draining, but it’s also a strength. You’re conscientious and you notice errors others may not. You can use your subtle senses to read group dynamics, identify strengths in others, and feel when the quiet ones may need to communicate in a different way — or when the loud confident voices are simply not right. By gathering these subtle details, you have the opportunity to empower others and help them to feel seen and heard.

At the same time, it’s equally important to practice self-care by taking quiet time for yourself and setting boundaries so that you don’t burn out. In her book, The Highly Sensitive Person, Elaine Aron talks about the balance of being “in” and “out” in the world. As a highly sensitive leader, it’s vital to explore how much “in” and “out” time you need to stay healthy. Prepare for situations you know may be stimulating by giving yourself time to rest.

5. You may feel undervalued.

I know your HSP leadership skills may seem like they’re invisible and unappreciated. It’s true that non-HSPs may not initially value your ways since our culture tends to value strong assertiveness (even to the point of confrontation). Or, maybe you’ve had the experience of sharing an idea that gets dismissed — only to have a louder, more forceful personality earn praise for the same idea.

How to overcome it:

Remember your purpose and trust yourself.

Don’t let the societal paradigm determine your value. Return to your purpose for why you do what you do. Trust in your strengths, whether or not you’re given credit. Chances are people feel your magic, even if you don’t always receive verbal confirmation.

Here’s an example. I recently organized a retreat for a non-HSP friend who has a much more extroverted, high-energy vibe than I do. I tend to shrink myself in the presence of people with bolder personalities, which I did during that trip. At the same time, I know my detailed planning, soft-but-firm communication, and attention to each individual were felt. Near the end of the trip, one woman said she saw me as the architect of the experience and appreciated my ability to hold space for everyone to be their best selves. In other words: My strengths made a difference and some people noticed them, even if I wasn’t the “alpha” of the crowd.

Of course, there are countless situations in which my skills go unnoticed. That’s okay too — because I know they’re supporting a greater good. A sensitive leader will focus with purpose and not grabbing credit.

6. You always feel there’s more to do.

HSPs are deeply passionate about their work in the world, whether that be in the form of a career, community involvement, nonprofit, or side project. When you strive to be just and supportive to others as well as innovative and steadfast, you may have a nagging feeling that there’s more to do. Way more. Turning off your ever-active mind can be a real challenge.

How to overcome it:

Ask yourself how you would support a friend with this problem.

Your desire to contribute to the world in creative ways is a great sensitive strength as a highly sensitive leader. But remember to acknowledge what you’re already bringing to the people and environments around you. You don’t have to do it all. You can say no to things. It doesn’t all need to happen right now. And you can ask for help.

When you do find yourself operating on overdrive, ask yourself how you would advise a close friend. Most likely, you’d show them compassion and point out how much they’re already doing. You would give them permission to rest, delegate, or focus on one thing at a time.

Pause and show yourself the same compassion. It will help you show up more expansively as a leader. And it will create more change in the long run.

A Highly Sensitive Leader is a Beloved Leader

Dear Highly Sensitive Leader, remember this…

There is an endless need for your kind of leadership.

It is like a canvas waiting for you to bring your assortment of brushes and colors to its surface. Waiting for you to perceive possibilities, lay out plans, explore new strokes, and transform when necessary.

Your sensitive energy is a gift to the world. If you embrace it, you can be the rare leader who is kind and gentle. Give that gift and start to guide others. Just, please, be kind and gentle with yourself as well.

Do you face self-criticism as a highly sensitive leader? If so, read:

“The Myth About Your Inner Critic (And What You Need to Know)”

“Feeling Self-Critical? How to Transform Self-Criticism as an HSP”

Highly Sensitive Introverts & Groups: 5 Places Where You Can Thrive

Highly Sensitive Introverts & Groups: 5 Places Where You Can Thrive

by | Sep 17, 2018 | Highly Sensitive Person, Uncategorized

Highly sensitive introverts and groups may not seem like a match.

Many highly sensitive introverts feel drained by the amount of stimulation in group environments. Everything from fast-paced conversations of people talking over each other to perfumes and background noise can be a lot if you have a sensitive nervous system.

You may feel awkward amidst many social norms or pressure to conform.

For highly sensitive introverts, it can feel challenging to dive deeper into the more authentic, slow-paced interaction that we cherish so much.

I’m sure you could add to the list of challenges.

Yet, I invite you to consider that highly sensitive introverts and groups don’t have to be at odds. There are group environments in which highly sensitive introverts can actually find supportive connections and thrive.

Here are a few settings where you might enjoy being in a group while mitigating the risk of energy depletion.

Highly Sensitive Introverts Can Thrive in These Groups

1. Get involved in a cause. Volunteer work or activism with people who have a shared purpose can involve social interaction that is far less be less draining. Furthermore, taking action toward a cause you care about can relieve anxiety and be energizing. Keep in mind that working with others on something meaningful can take many forms and it doesn’t have to entail interfacing with tons of people.

2. Attend an event with minimum talking. Activities like yoga, lectures, dancing, concerts, or community gardening can all be stimulating in nourishing ways. It can be a great way to meet people with common interests, but it can also serve as a way to engage in community with less social interaction and small talk.

3. Spend time with those who will share silence. There are plenty of folks who need to fill the space by talking. Something I love about our retreat guests is the way people seem to naturally fall into sharing the same space in silence. Other settings where you might find quiet community could be meditation groups, life drawing classes, or of course, silent retreats.

4. Relish the quality conversations. It’s easy to gravitate toward isolation in a loud world full of stimulation, but connection is vital to well-being. It’s true that some truly enriching conversations can be had with other highly sensitive introverts. Yet, keep in mind that you may have friends that listen with genuine interest and are willing to explore deep topics if you invite the conversation to go in that direction.

5. Meet people who get your trait. I’ve offered some ideas for settings where you might meet like-minded folks with shared interests. Yet, there are also many virtual and in-person events and community groups for HSPs and introverts that have popped up around the globe. I’ve watched some close friendships develop out of both our online HSP Support Circle and in-person retreats.

It’s important to recognize that some highly sensitive introverts may be best suited to one-to-one connections and that’s okay. You certainly don’t have to do the group thing. I’m simply inviting you to consider that it is possible to connect meaningfully without conforming to extroverted group norms. As long as you’re honest about what you need and intentional about honoring those needs along the way, it is indeed possible to thrive.

Over to you…

What kind of group environments do you thrive in as a highly sensitive introvert? Where do you feel you can be yourself and feel uplifted?

If you’re interested, feel free to take a look at our upcoming retreat calendar.

There’s also still time to join us for our Portugal Introvert & HSP Retreat (Sept 25 – Oct 2, 2022), which will be our last retreat for introverts and HSPs of the year.

Cheating on Yoga…

Cheating on Yoga…

by | Sep 15, 2015 | Personal Growth, Self Care, Uncategorized, Yoga

That’s right.

It’s not that I took up pilates or the local pole fit class.

Nope–I fell in love.

It is no surprise that my rhythm and ritual practice could be comprised by love. We have all been there; love has a tendency to flip us upside down and rattle our root chakra–the chakra associated with stability and grounding. Love frequently throws it into turmoil as old patterns, fears, and emotions surface.

The irony is that this comes just after I gave a workshop in July about the importance of ritual practice in self-care. And here I am, a complete hypocrite who has sacrificed her personal rituals in the name of love.

Over the last two months, I have identified a handful of believable excuses to talk myself out of practicing and attending workshops for which I would normally make time.

My current work schedule keeps me up late–I’m exhausted and need rest.

His place is too far from my yoga studio. I don’t have the time for traffic.

I forgot my yoga clothes.

I don’t have time.

What has happened is that I have temporarily replaced one love with another.

My dedication to everything yoga quickly waned when I began to feel a similar sort of sensation arise with my new boyfriend.

Suddenly, I discovered that his arms around me for an extra hour or two has repeatedly trumped the quiet whispers from my yoga mat begging me to come practice with her sacred support.

For the first time in my life, I feel unwavering commitment to my partner and the relationship we have entered; yet, I have found myself in a period of lesser commitment to the practice of yoga.

What I have been reminded of here is just how easy it is for me to lose part of myself in relationship.

I have felt ambivalent to share certain parts of my spiritual thoughts and beliefs for fear of his judgment. It’s silly really. He fell in love with me as the earth spirit that I am knowing our differences. He has shown me nothing but full love and support. So why the fear? I don’t think I need to answer that…

Anyone who has dated me might say I can be rigid and stubborn at times, but the paradox is that I can also be too flexible–flexible in the sense of not fully being who I am and honoring all of what is important to me.

Make no mistake that I also have a very flexible body in yoga practice–and strength is what I lack.

While relationships require a middle path, that middle path still requires two whole human beings who are willing to fully be themselves with strength.

Now, every time I make a conscious choice to voice my ideas and beliefs to him without shame and fully express who I am, I feel a greater closeness.

The best days are the days when we both honor our personal practices.

The other night, I told one of my teachers that I feel like I have been cheating on yoga. He looked and me and confidently responded, “It’s okay, Melissa; you can two-time.”

That I can. And I feel lucky to be graced with the welcome and love of both my mat and man.