Nadi Shodhana: A Breathing Technique to Help Calm Anxiety

Nadi Shodhana: A Breathing Technique to Help Calm Anxiety

by | Nov 14, 2018 | Anxiety, Highly Sensitive Person, Meditation, Yoga

Want to learn a breathing technique for anxiety?

Breathing techniques may not always work to ease anxiety, but that doesn’t mean that breathing never works. Different tools work in different ways for different people. What’s important is that you have options in your toolbox and identify what works for you.

Today I want to share with you a simple technique that is safe for beginners and a wonderful tool to facilitate ground in the fall season.

Nāḍī shodhana prāṇāyāma or “alternate nostril breathing” is a breathing technique I often teach my students.

On the days that I’m not a congested puffball, this practice brings me into a profound sense of ease and awareness. It can really be a powerful tool for a lot of people.

I’ll walk you through this as a breathing technique for anxiety you can do at home, as well as when you’re out in the world,.

First, I’d like to explain nāḍī shodhana and its benefits a little further.

Nāḍī Shodhana: A Breathing Technique for Anxiety

The word nāḍī can be translated from Sanskrit to mean “channel” and shodhana signifies “cleansing” or “purifying”. Nāḍī shodhana is the practice of cleansing or clearing the subtle pathways of your system so that your prāṇa or “life force” can move through you with greater ease. In essence, the practice helps restore balance in your mind and body and supports overall well-being.

This simple technique can be practiced before or after physical postures (āsana). If you choose to do it at the end, practice it after śavāsana. You may also use this breathing technique as a stand-alone practice.

Benefits of Nāḍī Shodhana

Here are some of the potential benefits of nāḍī shodhana according to the yogic tradition:

  • Centers the mind in the present.
  • Supports mental function and concentration.
  • Lowers the heart rate and releases tension.
  • Improves respiratory function and sends more oxygen to the blood.
  • Helps balance the left and right nostrils and hemispheres of the brain.

How to Practice This Breathing Technique for Anxiety

For this practice, you can breathe with a gentle and easy rhythm without needing to make your breath particularly long or deep.

1) Sit in a comfortable position on a chair or on the ground with some cushioning under your sit bones so that your hip and spinal muscles are as relaxed as possible.

2) Bring your index and middle fingers of your dominant hand to the point on your forehead just above the center of your eyebrows. You’ll use your thumb and ring and/or pinky fingers to alternately close your nostrils. Your other hand may rest in your lap with your palm facing up. Start by taking an easy inhale and exhale through both nostrils.

3) At the end of your exhale, close your right nostril and inhale through the left. At the end of your inhale, close left and exhale through your right nostril. Inhale through the right. Then close right and exhale left. Repeat inhaling left, exhaling right, inhaling right, exhaling left. Continue through 6-8 rounds and you will finish exhaling through your left nostril to complete the round.

4) Once you complete the rounds and exhale on your left side, place both hands in your lap and return to natural breathing as you sit in the effects of your practice. While your breathing will be natural, you can invite a sense of subtle expansion and movement into your belly as you breathe, which will also have a calming effect on your nervous system.

5) As your practice progresses, you may begin adding a pause after each inhalation and exhalation. Allow the pause to be brief, so you’re not holding your breathe but simply pausing for a moment in the space between as you transition your breaths.

So how might you bring this technique out in the world when you feel anxiety?

With a steady practice at home, you’ll begin to heighten your awareness of your breath moving in and out of your nostrils. Without using your fingers to close your nostrils, you can bring your awareness to breath moving in the left, out the right, in the right, and out the left. In this way, it becomes a grounding focal point for your attention as you slow your breath and facilitate calm in your system.

If you’d like to learn more breathing techniques and practices, consider joining me for an online yoga class one of these days. All classes are open to all levels of experience, slow-paced, and accessible to all bodies.

Why Highly Sensitive People Overthink Simple Decisions

Why Highly Sensitive People Overthink Simple Decisions

by | Oct 20, 2018 | Anxiety, Highly Sensitive Person

This article was originally written for Introvert Spring under the title: “Why Highly Sensitive People Overthink So Much”.

Do you tend to overthink decisions? Highly sensitive people overthink in a way not everyone understands. Overthinking can make us anxious and self-critical when we feel like we just can’t turn it off.

That’s how I’ve felt most of my life. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been told that it would do me some good to not think so much. I agree. Yet, small decisions can still be a struggle…

Deciding on the tiniest details for my retreats can weigh on my mind unnecessarily for weeks.

My partner and I have been known to get wild with spreadsheets before buying a coffee maker.

Sometimes when there are no decisions to make, I’ll create ones if I’m not careful. And then I get down on myself for creating new decisions to overthink.

I probably don’t have to explain much more. If you’re a highly sensitive person, you know just how draining it can be to have a mind that won’t settle.

There are reasons highly sensitive people overthink every little thing. Before sharing them, I want to note the difference between deep thinking and overthinking. After all, most highly sensitive people do both.

Deep thinking versus overthinking

Deep thinking is an HSP strength. When it’s at play, we’re creative without giving too much thought to the best outcome. We put our abstract thoughts together into a masterful work of art that may or may not ever be finished. When we do get solution-focused, deep thinking allows us to explore and analyze details and moving parts before coming to a conclusion.

But when overthinking gets going, we often get bogged down in unnecessary details that keep us stuck. Our mind whirls in frenetic circles, as we stall in executing decisions. Just as we think we’ve arrived at a conclusion, we change gears and continue overthinking the matter. And then our inner critic shouts at us that we’re hopeless.

Why Highly Sensitive People Overthink Decisions

I have to be honest with you. When I began writing this article, I quickly had a couple dozen tabs open in an effort to research HSPs and overthinking.

I struggled to choose a direction and ideas just boomeranged in my head. I began to get frustrated and hypercritical of myself.

But then, as I noticed my pattern, the reasons highly sensitive people overthink decisions were laid out right within me. Here are a few I think you may be able to relate to…

1. We’re deep processors.

One of four HSP characteristics, which author Elaine Aron talks about, is depth of processing. HSPs have brains that process information in a deep, complex way rather than taking words, images, or ideas at face value. We explore multiple angles and paths as we connect ideas to a bigger picture.

This means we need more time to process the multitude of information coming in before arriving at a decision. While depth of processing itself does not equate to overthinking, it can create the breeding ground for it.

Helpful Hint: There’s nothing wrong with processing slowly and taking time to play with options. Try practicing mindfulness techniques to become present with the tendencies of your mind so that you can recognize when you’re simply processing at your pace or unnecessarily overthinking decisions. 

2. We’re maximizers.

Information is everywhere. This means options are too, which is not necessarily a good thing for HSPs. Not only do we naturally take in a lot of information from our environments, we often seek out more information! With a wealth of information at your fingertips in modern society, it’s easy for HSPs to feel confused over too many choices.

When we maximize, we may put off decisions because we’re so wrapped up in analyzing every detail. We want the lowest price, the least environmental impact, the best for ourselves and others, the most efficient…the list goes on, right?

Helpful Hint: There are times you need to choose a path to simplify, rather than create unwarranted anxiety. But remember that the upside to maximizing is that you may be very adept at analyzing and come to sound, healthy decisions rather than settling. The trick is to find the balance.

3. We worry about others.

With such a high level of empathy and sometimes people-pleasing tendency, highly sensitive people overthink because we want our decisions to benefit others. Sometimes this is at the expense of our own needs.

Many HSPs have a fear of letting others down. We may waver about attending a party. On one hand, we fear disappointing our friend, but on the other, our body may be saying no. As HSPs, we need to make a concerted effort to attend to our own needs first to practice good self-care.

Helpful Hint: When you find yourself adding others into your decision-making, pause for a moment and notice your body’s reaction to the two choices. As I’m writing, I just did this with a dinner invitation. As I took a step back, I realized I didn’t want to go and needed alone time. Learn to say no without feeling guilty. 

4. We tend to be perfectionists.

HSPs tend to be more self-critical when it comes to making a mistake or hurting someone. We may hold ourselves to exceptionally high standards, so we do our best to prepare and mitigate any potential for making the “wrong” decision. We shoot for optimal choices and outcomes, even if part of us knows these don’t always exist.

Helpful Hint: Perfectionism usually comes from the unconscious belief that if you do everything right, you’ll be worthy of love and acceptance. So, it helps to bring the HSP empathy you have for others to yourself when you find yourself striving for the “right” answer. Remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes and coach yourself through the matter as you would a friend.

5. We may not fully trust ourselves.

A lack of self-trust tends to show up more for HSPs who were raised in environments that may not have been very accepting of their sensitivity. If we’re taught we should be different or that our needs are unimportant, we learn that there’s something wrong with us and others know better than we do. The result is that many of us adult HSPs still struggle to listen to our own voice and trust our decision-making.

Helpful Hint: Practice listening to yourself and taking action. Begin with some of the smaller decisions and simply alert yourself when you’re overthinking. When faced with some comparable options, use this as an opportunity to make a “good enough” choice and notice how you feel when you do that.

Just because you may have a propensity to overthink decisions, it doesn’t mean you have to continue down that road. You can become more aware of the inner workings of your mind and intuition of your body. And soon enough, you’ll be making more intentional decisions.

And chances are that there are some scenarios in your life in which decision-making comes more easily. Reflect on those. What is it about them that makes it easier to decide?

 

Highly Sensitive People and Relationships

It can be hard for HSPs to navigate relationships and all the possible overthinking, overwhelm, and communication problems. Download my Highly Sensitive Person’s Relationship Guide for tools to create fulfilling relationships as an HSP.

How to Say No Without Guilt as a Highly Sensitive Person

How to Say No Without Guilt as a Highly Sensitive Person

by | Oct 12, 2018 | Highly Sensitive Person, HSP Relationships, Personal Growth

Do you find it difficult to say no without guilt? Many highly sensitive people are so in tune with the feelings and needs of others, that it can be difficult to set boundaries and say no without feeling guilty.

Yet, it’s critical that highly sensitive people learn to say no without guilt when necessary to practice self-care and create healthy relationships. If we don’t, we can easily end up overwhelmed, resentful, codependent, and the list goes on…

I was recently attending a retreat in a group much larger than I expected. I knew from the start that this was an opportunity to practice what I have always encouraged my retreat guests to do–ask for what I need as an highly sensitive introvert participant.

Throughout the week, there were many moments, when I clearly stated my needs. I managed to say no without guilt on several occasions. An truly, I left feeling liberated by how simple it can be to say no once you can in the habit of doing it.

Let me first say that like you, I’ve had that boss or relative with whom it wasn’t so easy. I realize that not all relationships and situations are the same. Learning to say no without guilt to family members has been one of my biggest lifelong challenges.

But to set boundaries in challenging relationships, it helps to start by practicing in simple everyday situations.

3 Steps to Say No Without Guilt as a Highly Sensitive Person

1) Tune in. Take time to check in with yourself. There are times you may feel you have to give an answer right away when in reality, you can ask for time to respond. Ask yourself how a “yes” or “no” feels in your body. Notice where in your body you feel it and what your body has to say.

As you practice noticing and listening to your needs, it becomes easier to access your answer and say no without guilt. Bringing awareness to how your body feels in a given situation helps you more readily spot old patterns that don’t serve you.

2) Know that it’s not just for you. Often times you feel your answer. Yet, you get stuck feeling bad if you don’t do what the other wants you to do. In these moments, it’s critical to remember that sacrificing your needs doesn’t serve anyone.

Even if it feels like you’re helping another person, when you silence your needs, you harm yourself and the relationship because you’re not being honest.

It’s important to remember that human beings grow in challenging times. If you’re protecting someone else’s needs, you may just be preventing that person from going through some vital experiences they need to grow.

3) Voice your answer. Sometimes you want to say “yes”, but with a condition or boundary. So, say so, but remember that people (including children!) respond better to, “Yes, as soon as…” than, “No, I can’t…” Here are some examples of using “yes” while holding boundaries:

“Yes, I can help. This weeks won’t work for me, but I can lend a hand next week.”
“Sure, I’ll come. I’d like to see you, but I just so you to know, I’ll likely need to leave early.”

When you need to say “no”, you can be both firm and kind. Avoid giving reasons for why you can’t or don’t want to do something, as some people will challenge your reasons or push to find a way to get you to meet their needs. No is enough, so respect your “no” without feeling guilty. Here are some examples of what to say:

“I’m sorry, but it’s not going to work for me.”
“Unfortunately, that’s just not something I can do right now.”
“It sounds fun, but I won’t be available that day.”

4) Express gratitude. First, show yourself appreciation for the times when you do set boundaries. If this has been a long struggle for you, standing up for yourself can be profound. Give yourself some love and soak up the feeling of empowerment. And in the times when you feel you fall short, be compassionate with yourself.

Likewise, it’s empowering to express gratitude to the people that honor your needs. It’s easy to assume people ought to behave in certain ways, which can mean taking people who respect your boundaries for granted.

A simple, “Hey, thank you for being so understanding about…” or, “It wasn’t easy for me to ask for that, so I really appreciate that you…” can go a long way in growing intimate relationships. And it positively reinforces the relationship dynamic making it more likely for the other to respect your boundaries in the future.

For many highly sensitive people, learning how to say no without guilt can take time. But it can also be deeply healing. Be patient and compassionate with yourself through your process.

What have you found to be helpful when it comes to your boundaries as a highly sensitive person? Feel free to share in a comment below.

Highly Sensitive Introverts & Groups: 5 Places Where You Can Thrive

Highly Sensitive Introverts & Groups: 5 Places Where You Can Thrive

by | Sep 17, 2018 | Highly Sensitive Person, Uncategorized

Highly sensitive introverts and groups may not seem like a match.

Many highly sensitive introverts feel drained by the amount of stimulation in group environments. Everything from fast-paced conversations of people talking over each other to perfumes and background noise can be a lot if you have a sensitive nervous system.

You may feel awkward amidst many social norms or pressure to conform.

For highly sensitive introverts, it can feel challenging to dive deeper into the more authentic, slow-paced interaction that we cherish so much.

I’m sure you could add to the list of challenges.

Yet, I invite you to consider that highly sensitive introverts and groups don’t have to be at odds. There are group environments in which highly sensitive introverts can actually find supportive connections and thrive.

Here are a few settings where you might enjoy being in a group while mitigating the risk of energy depletion.

Highly Sensitive Introverts Can Thrive in These Groups

1. Get involved in a cause. Volunteer work or activism with people who have a shared purpose can involve social interaction that is far less be less draining. Furthermore, taking action toward a cause you care about can relieve anxiety and be energizing. Keep in mind that working with others on something meaningful can take many forms and it doesn’t have to entail interfacing with tons of people.

2. Attend an event with minimum talking. Activities like yoga, lectures, dancing, concerts, or community gardening can all be stimulating in nourishing ways. It can be a great way to meet people with common interests, but it can also serve as a way to engage in community with less social interaction and small talk.

3. Spend time with those who will share silence. There are plenty of folks who need to fill the space by talking. Something I love about our retreat guests is the way people seem to naturally fall into sharing the same space in silence. Other settings where you might find quiet community could be meditation groups, life drawing classes, or of course, silent retreats.

4. Relish the quality conversations. It’s easy to gravitate toward isolation in a loud world full of stimulation, but connection is vital to well-being. It’s true that some truly enriching conversations can be had with other highly sensitive introverts. Yet, keep in mind that you may have friends that listen with genuine interest and are willing to explore deep topics if you invite the conversation to go in that direction.

5. Meet people who get your trait. I’ve offered some ideas for settings where you might meet like-minded folks with shared interests. Yet, there are also many virtual and in-person events and community groups for HSPs and introverts that have popped up around the globe. I’ve watched some close friendships develop out of both our online HSP Support Circle and in-person retreats.

It’s important to recognize that some highly sensitive introverts may be best suited to one-to-one connections and that’s okay. You certainly don’t have to do the group thing. I’m simply inviting you to consider that it is possible to connect meaningfully without conforming to extroverted group norms. As long as you’re honest about what you need and intentional about honoring those needs along the way, it is indeed possible to thrive.

Over to you…

What kind of group environments do you thrive in as a highly sensitive introvert? Where do you feel you can be yourself and feel uplifted?

If you’re interested, feel free to take a look at our upcoming retreat calendar.

There’s also still time to join us for our Portugal Introvert & HSP Retreat (Sept 25 – Oct 2, 2022), which will be our last retreat for introverts and HSPs of the year.

7 Things Highly Sensitive Children Need to Know to Thrive

7 Things Highly Sensitive Children Need to Know to Thrive

by | Jul 24, 2018 | Highly Sensitive Person

This post “7 Things Highly Sensitive Children Need to Know to Thrive” was republished with permission from www.introvertdear.com. You can find the original post here: “7 things Your Highly Sensitive Child Needs to Hear”.

There are certain things highly sensitive children need to know to flourish. Highly sensitive children have a special set of gifts. Unfortunately, many people see those gifts as weaknesses. But whether you’re a parent, teacher, or another supportive adult, you can show support and acceptance to highly sensitive children with a few simple words.

As an adult who was once a highly sensitive child, I remember my eyes burning under the fluorescent lights in school. I wore leggings until I was a teen because the constricting feeling of jeans filled me with panic. I still complain about seams in my underwear and even made up a silly song about it.

I know what it’s like to feel profound empathy toward my family and emotional overwhelm about global injustices. And as I sit here writing, I’m processing so much in this active mind of mine that it’s hard to write coherent thoughts.

I used to feel there was something wrong with me. Now I know that what I described is related to the gift of high sensitivity — even if it doesn’t always feel that way.

It took me until my 30s to embrace my sensitivity as a strength and share my voice. Today, I lead retreats for highly sensitive people and introverts in order to build a sense of belonging among those of us who feel like outsiders due to our traits. Many attendees tell me they leave these retreats with a renewed sense of who they are and acceptance they’ve never felt before.

I believe we can encourage our children to love their sensitivity from a much earlier age. Some of these sentiments I share were words I heard. Others are words I wish I had heard. Either way, they’re things highly sensitive children need to hear.

7 Things Highly Sensitive Children Need to Know to Thrive

1. “All of your emotions are acceptable.”

At some point in our lives, most of us have been told not to cry. While tears are gaining an iota of societal respect, emotions such as anger, anxiety, and hurt continue to be judged as “unhealthy”.

Highly sensitive children are wired to fully experience the entire spectrum of human emotion. When we give highly sensitive children permission to experience their emotions without being told they’re bad or negative, they benefit in a powerful way. Then, we can teach them the tools to transform an emotion such as anger into creative or passionate fuel to do something constructive.

2. “It’s healthy to experience emotion about injustice.”

As a young child, I got extremely emotional about issues ranging from racism to bullying. As I got a little older, political conversations about injustice easily landed me in tears.

One of the things highly sensitive children need to hear is that it’s okay to feel emotional when they see others experiencing pain. This is a compassionate response, not an overreaction. Rather than dismissing their experiences, we need to acknowledge the hurt. When the time is right, offer ways your child can take meaningful action, such as starting a fundraiser or speaking up about an issue.

3. “Let others know when you need alone time.”

Highly sensitive adults aren’t the only ones who need alone time. I recently saw a video of a little girl stating that she “just wants to chill in nature away from people.” She certainly seemed like a sensitive introvert to me.

Highly sensitive children will probably need alone time after stimulating activities like attending school or parties. Let’s teach them to ask for alone time constructively so it doesn’t come in the form of a meltdown later.

4. “Listen to your body.”

Highly sensitive people are often sense subtle responses to stimuli. Unfortunately, our conditioning moves us away from listening to what our bodies tell us, and we may lose this connection as we get older.

We can teach highly sensitive children to notice how their body feels, for example, when they eat a certain food or hang out with a certain friend. Likewise, we can also teach them to find a place in their body that feels calm (even if a finger or toe). This is a powerful grounding skill highly sensitive children can use when they feel anxious and need to regulate their bodies’ responses.

5. “It’s okay to say no.”

Children are accustomed to hearing the word “no,” but they usually don’t get permission to use it themselves. Obviously, it’s up to parents to set their own boundaries for when “no” is acceptable. But consider asking if your child wants to go to Henry’s birthday party before simply sending the RSVP. Certainly, “no” is a delicate balancing act with children, but if encouraged mindfully, it can be an important step in learning healthy boundaries.

6. “Take your time to process.”

Just like adult HSPs, highly sensitive children may require extra time to process information. According to Dr. Elaine Aron, one of the four characteristics of HSPs is “depth of processing.” This means that when sensitive children receive information, they take in everything they can, analyzing and connecting data to a larger picture.

Depth of processing can make life rich and meaningful, but it also slows us down. Simply being patient and allowing your child extra time to process honors this special gift.

7. “The world needs people like you.”

This just may be one of the things highly sensitive children need to know most. Our world needs more listening and compassion. Highly sensitive children can also be extremely analytical and creative problem solvers. Let’s remind the highly sensitive children in our lives that even though the world feels challenging at times, their sensitivity is a gift that can help others in countless ways.

Worrying About What Others Think? What to Know and What to Do

Worrying About What Others Think? What to Know and What to Do

by | Jul 21, 2018 | Anxiety, Highly Sensitive Person

Do you get stuck worrying about what others think? A fellow HSP requested advice on how to stop worrying about what others think of her. I get this question a lot. I want to share what’s helped me personally because, frankly, a lot of advice I hear is too simplistic.

Everyone seeks approval in some way, even those who don’t realize they do. But some of us get more bogged down than others in worrying about what people think.

The woman I referenced above said she was tired of judging herself through the eyes of others and making assumptions about what they think of her. This was a major cause of her anxiety.

Her words struck a chord with me…because I’ve been there. It’s hard to admit, but worrying about what others think has been a source of my own anxiety over the years. It’s taken time to learn how to release this burden.

If you’re seeking approval from others, you may…

  • People please and avoid conflict to gain acceptance.
  • Think others say or feel negative things about you.
  • Find it hard to voice your needs.
  • Have difficulty even knowing what you want.  

I used to worry people would be mad at me if I didn’t do what they wanted me to do. I’d make up stories about what others were thinking.

I felt self-conscious and anxious in so many contexts. I worried others would see the self-doubt that lingered inside me.

When you’re in a constant mindset of seeking validation, it’s easy to start to hate this part of yourself. You might feel out of control because you’re placing your worth in the hands of another. You want to change this pattern, but maybe you’re not sure how.

Why You Worry About What Others Think

As we come into this world, we’re conditioned to seek approval. Validation serves as a survival mechanism that helps us receive nurturing from our caregivers and navigate things like right and wrong and safety versus danger.

But some continue seeking excessive external validation well into adulthood. When you adopt perceptions and moral compasses of those around you, it may feel good to be validated. But then you struggle to hear your true self, which causes you to suffer.

Here’s the thing you need to understand if you’re stuck in this pattern.

When you worry about what others think, an inner dialogue is often happening. Much of the time, the dialogue is with an inner critic who says you’re not good enough. The approval-seeker inside you shows up in an effort to quiet or disprove the critic, so it can say, “I’m good enough!”

These two parts of your psyche are in conflict with one another by nature, but they have something in common. They’re both there to protect you from shame, rejection, humiliation, failure, etc. And the approval-seeker from your childhood continues its job into adulthood if you don’t learn otherwise along the way.

So, what do you do to stop worrying about what others think?

From my experience, trying to will these parts away only makes them more powerful. You have to go deeper into the land of curiosity in understanding these parts to access your higher self.

The steps below are informed, in part, by the Internal Family Systems approach to psychotherapy.

1. Pay attention to how this part of you shows up. Does it agree with others automatically? Does it defer to others for decisions? Does it make up stories of what others are saying? In what situations does this part surface? With what people? Simply start to build the awareness of how this part presents in your life.

2. Get to know the part with this exercise adapted from the IFS model:

If the part shows up at a time when you can take a few minutes of mindfulness, take a moment to practice this exercise. Gently close your eyes and rest in the natural flow of your breath.

Then begin to notice the approval-seeking part of you. You might notice its words, voice, and energy. It may help to visualize this part as a mini version of yourself. As you become aware of its qualities, pay attention to where this part sits in your body and how it feels there.

Notice what you feel toward this part. If you feel something other than curiosity or compassion (frustration, shame, etc.), notice the other parts that may be contributing to those feelings. Acknowledge those parts and ask them if they’re willing to step back for a moment so you can be with the approval-seeking part.

As the other parts step back, begin to grow a sense of curiosity toward the approval-seeking part. What does it want you to know? What is its job? Does it like its role? What is it afraid of?

3. Sit in the space of your higher self. As you practice the exercise above, you may begin to experience more of your accepting, compassionate self that evokes a feeling of peace. Spend some time in that peace feeling your body and noticing that these parts are components of your psyche, but they’re separate from your higher self. The more you can access this higher self, the more you’ll be able to live from a curious, compassionate, and accepting energy.

4. Practice accessing your higher self in everyday situations. When I first began teaching yoga, my head was scattered with performance anxiety. I had trouble keep information straight as I started to practice my teaching skills. I’d constantly feel that I wasn’t worthy of bringing this powerful practice to others. These days I work with the above exercise and similar practices as part of my self-care. By accessing my higher self, I come to my teaching from a place of purpose and showing up for others to support their healing. Practice accessing your higher self in small moments of your daily life, even with tiny decisions. (I just accessed mine when I made the choice to trust my article as is without asking my boyfriend to validate it.)

There are many tips and tools related to boundaries, self-talk, beliefs, and so forth that may support this journey as well. However, my personal path has shown me that learning to access my deepest higher self and understand my various parts is absolutely vital to lasting transformation and self-compassion.

What about you? Have you found a strategy that helps you to let go of worrying about what others think?

Highly Sensitive People with Anxiety: What to Know and How to Cope

Highly Sensitive People with Anxiety: What to Know and How to Cope

by | May 22, 2018 | Anxiety, Highly Sensitive Person

If you’re a highly sensitive person, you know the struggle with anxiety is real. I hear countless stories from highly sensitive people with anxiety who feel overwhelmed. Everyday situations can cause us to feel distressed in a way our non-sensitive peers may not understand.

Being more attuned to your senses and surroundings, you’re likely triggered by some of the details that make up the fabric of our modern society. I’m going to talk about those details more, as well as ways to cope, in a moment. One of the coping suggestions I have may surprise you!

But first I’d like to note the relationship between high sensitivity and anxiety. I mean, let’s face it, as highly sensitive people, we want to understand how our minds work as much as we can.

While being highly sensitive can mean we’re more vulnerable to anxiety, I want to emphasize that not all highly sensitive people struggle with anxiety. Many highly sensitive people face little anxiety. Yet, there is an association between high sensitivity and anxiety worth noting.

Let’s define these terms before we go any further.

What is a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP)?

“High sensitivity”, also known as sensory-processing sensitivity (SPS), is a personality trait, not a disorder. It’s an indicator for how we experience and interface with the world. Highly sensitive people make up roughly 20 percent of the population and are often:

  • Easily affected by others’ moods; they tend to feel emotions of others
  • Overwhelmed by sensory stimuli such as lights, sound, smells, and some fabrics
  • Emotionally moved by news, film, music, or art
  • Criticized for thinking too much
  • Apt to process information more thoroughly
  • Frazzled when asked to multitask or do too many things at once
  • Deeply conscientious
  • Likely to have a rich inner life

What is anxiety?

Anxiety is the body’s natural response to stressful, dangerous, or unfamiliar situations. It’s the feeling of worry that’s accompanied by that sweaty, heart-racing, can’t catch your breath, dry-mouthed reaction that your body has in response to fear.

Anxiety is a normal, physical reaction to stress that triggers our brain’s fear center and sends hormones pumping through our body. We all experience anxiety from time to time. It only meets criteria for an anxiety disorder if it involves excessive fear or anxiety that interferes with daily life.

Highly Sensitive People and Anxiety – What’s the relationship?

Since highly sensitive people have a proclivity to feel deeply, it’s not surprising that we’re susceptible to anxiety. Highly sensitive people with anxiety are inclined to absorb emotional experiences of those around us as if they were our own.

And things like the news and social media can spin us into an emotional frenzy, especially if we’re left with feeling a load of pain coupled with immense helplessness.

A small study published by the scientific journal Brain and Behavior found that when compared with individuals with low sensitivity, HSPs tend to have more activation in brain areas with “mirror neurons”, the neural system responsible for empathy. While some empathy is good, too much empathy can negatively affect our physical and mental well-being potentially leading to feelings of anxiety.

Additionally, we live in a fast-paced world that hurries us through sardine-packed subways and slings quick-witted remarks around at business meetings. When we can’t keep up, we feel like frazzled outsiders.

As highly sensitive people with anxiety, we may receive heavy pressure from others to work rapidly to complete a project when maybe our minds need more time to process and organize.

Loud noises from motorcycles, the bouquet of pungent perfumes at a department store, and oppressive fluorescent lights of the common office wreak havoc on our nervous systems igniting the body’s fear response.

There’s neuroscience research that suggests that people with the SPS trait may genetically have an exaggerated startle response, which can make us more prone to anxiety.

But while highly sensitive people with anxiety may be more susceptible to anxiety, we can tap into the strength of our sensitivity with the right tools to get through challenging times.

How Highly Sensitive People with Anxiety Can Cope

1. Know your triggers. Highly sensitive people with anxiety have a great advantage in our ability to sense and notice. Identify the specifics things, people, and situations that negatively affect you. Write a list of your triggers.

2. Establish a plan for self-care to cope. Ensuring you get enough sleep, eat well, and exercise is vital for highly sensitive people to avoid depletion. But it also helps to review your list of triggers and develop a plan for how to cope ahead of time. For example, if I have a large social event coming up, I do my best to sandwich that event with ample downtime before and after to prepare and recharge.

3. Be active on social media. Does that sound like bad advice? Well, maybe. In general, it’s a good idea to limit time spent on social media. But research suggests that if you’re going to use it, it’s best to be active rather than passive. This means it helps to have a purpose when you engage in social media. Rather than mindlessly scrolling through your Facebook feed, share a thoughtful comment on a friend’s post or share a good news story that may uplift others. This helps us to feel more connected and purposeful.

4. Practice mindfulness. Highly sensitive people with anxiety who are naturally mindful may be able to manage anxiety better. This is where that double-edged sword comes into play. On the one hand, our heightened awareness can challenge us. But on the other, it can be a great tool for us to recognize when we’re carrying emotional baggage that isn’t ours or notice when we may be overthinking.

5. Take the middle path. Balance is important. Spending too much time in isolation may result in even greater overwhelm in stimulating situations than you would with a little exposure. But this doesn’t mean forcing yourself into chaotic environments. For example, you may dislike loud noise but enjoy live music and dancing. In this way, perhaps you take the time to be in a loud-ish place while enjoying your sensory experience.

6. Practice self-compassion. Practice patience and kindness with yourself. Remember that along with the challenges of being a highly sensitive person with anxiety, your sensitivity brings many gifts. Tune into the kind version of you by remembering the advice you’d offered a stressed friend.

What do you do to cope with anxiety as a highly sensitive person? What are your triggers? I’d love to hear from other highly sensitive people out there.

How to Stop Absorbing Other People’s Emotions

How to Stop Absorbing Other People’s Emotions

by | May 9, 2018 | Highly Sensitive Person, HSP Relationships, Self Care

“How to Stop Absorbing Other People’s Emotions” was republished with permission from www.tinybuddha.com. You can find the original post here: “How I Learned to Stop Absorbing Other People’s Emotions”.

I felt her agony and loneliness as if it were my own. Even as I write that sentence, my eyes well up and heaviness fills my heart. Then, I’m reminded to apply the advice I give others.

My mom was a special person, a sensitive soul just like me. Actually, I’m so much like she was, yet so different. One of the differences between us is that I had an opportunity to observe her life’s challenges. I saw her challenges reflected within myself and made a conscious choice to find healthy ways to cope.

You see, my mom was a deep feeler and felt the emotions of people near and far. I imagine it was her strong empathy and personal challenges that led her to want to help others, as a wounded healer in a sense.

But as a helper and healer, she struggled with her mental and emotional health over the years. Witnessing her life moved me to learn how to regulate my own sensitive emotions and set healthy boundaries.

Sometimes I wonder if not knowing how to manage her empathy is what made her sick.

There are many ways to understand the challenges my mom battled before her death in 2007. From her perspective, she had a rare, unknown physical illness. Some who knew her may have thought she was manipulative and attention-seeking. Some would see an addiction to pain medication. Psychologists would diagnose her with a psychosomatic disorder, borderline personality disorder, and bipolar disorder.

Maybe all and none of those explanations are true. But perhaps she didn’t have any “disorder” at all. I’m not really asserting that to be true, but merely posing a curious question. What if she was just a sensitive, empathic person who lacked the skills to manage the pain around and within her? What if one unhelpful coping mechanism led to a slew of other ailments?

I believe my mom felt real physical and emotional pain. I struggled to fully understand her over the years. But after many years of reflection, I now trust her experience because of what I know about my own sensitive nature.

As sensitive people, we may present with high emotion and feel easily overwhelmed by our senses. We’re often told by the world that there’s something wrong with us. And when we think there’s something inherently wrong with us, we tend to tuck these traits away into our “shadow” or unconscious mind.

Well, now we’ve not only tucked away our core essence, but possibly the empathic depth that goes along with being a sensitive person as well. There may be a part of us that knows that we’re emotional sponges. Yet, we may choose to ignore our nature without really learning how to manage our empathy in such a way that prevents “dis-ease” and fosters well-being.

This was me for a long time.

Not only am I prone to feeling depleted and drained in situations with certain people, but the emotional pain of others tends to show up in my physical body. When I over-feel, my throat feels like it’s closing and as my chest constricts, my chronic back pain flares up.

My boyfriend was complaining of one of those small, painful pimples inside his nose recently. I got one as well. We joked about sympathy pains, but I do wonder sometimes.

I’ve felt the emotional pain of my family, friends, clients, and strangers. It’s not a simple, “Oh, I feel bad for him.” It’s feeling the despair and rejection of that teenager whose parents didn’t pick him up when he was released from the behavioral hospital where I worked. It’s the deep anguish of being that relative who feels no one believes her and she’s all alone.

I feel challenged to find the right language to express it all because the deep heartache and heavy burden is a feeling not a word.

The thing is that no matter how painful it is to feel the weight of the world in my body, I wouldn’t trade my depth and ability to feel for anything. The empathy that comes with high sensitivity is a true gift if we know how to use it.

We need more kind, compassionate people if we want to heal the world. Sensitive people have a natural capacity to show kindness because of our profound empathy.

Deep empathy gives us a special strength in relating and connecting with others. When we genuinely care, we’re more apt to be able to understand another person in a way not that all people can. Our sincerity can help us to develop meaningful, fulfilling relationships.

Relationships offer us a chance to not only grow a deep sense of connection with another human being but also an opportunity to learn about ourselves. Both of these are integral to the human experience.

And as sensitive people, we feel intense pain, but we also feel intense joy.

Yet, regulating our empathy is key to stopping the flood of emotion from overwhelming our ability to cope and care for our well-being.

If we want to stop absorbing other people’s emotions, it all starts with taking care of our physical, social, mental, emotional, and spiritual needs. I know it sounds like the whole world is harping on the idea of self-care, but there’s a reason for this.

When our own immune system or energy is depleted, we become a perfect sponge for sopping up emotions. We must take care of ourselves to avoid absorption in the first place.

6 Steps to Stop Absorbing Other People’s Emotions

1. When you notice heavy emotion, start by labeling what you’re feeling. Labeling helps to bring us into a state of pause, which can help us to gain a little distance from the emotional experience for a moment. Even a little distance helps us to begin to stop absorbing other people’s emotions.

2. Ask yourself whether what you’re feeling is yours, someone else’s, or a mix of the two. It can be difficult to discern the difference sometimes. One approach I like to take is if I think I might be feeling a particular person’s “stuff,” I’ll imagine the person as completely whole, content, and full of light. Then I’ll revisit my own experience and see if I still feel the same way. This played out in a recent loss in my life. While I was experiencing my own grief, when my relative who was closest to this person seemed to start to heal, I realized that much of my sadness released as well.

3. The moment you catch yourself feeling emotions that aren’t yours, raise your awareness of what’s happening within your mind and body. It can help to say the word “compassion” to yourself as a way of intentionally focusing on what you can do to be supportive rather than allowing yourself to be overpowered by emotion.

4. Take a deep breath and notice where in your body you feel the calmest, grounded, or neutral. It might be as simple as your toe or finger. Bring your attention to that place in your body and allow it to be a centering force to keep you grounded while you process and release any feelings you may have absorbed. Sometimes just having one calm place in our body can serve as a resource when the rest of you is feeling overwhelmed.

5. Return the other person’s emotions to them. It is not your responsibility to carry other people’s emotional distress, and equally important, it helps absolutely no one. Try saying to yourself, “I’m letting this emotional pain that is not mine go now.” Remember that other people have to go through their own processes in order to grow. When you stop absorbing other people’s emotions, you give both yourself and the other people a better opportunity to grow.

6. Use visualization to fully release the emotions. I find that it helps me to visualize a waterfall flowing through my body as a final release of any residual emotional gunk I might be carrying.

At the center of all of the above steps is building the awareness to know when we’re allowing ourselves to absorb and adopting tools to stop absorbing other’s people’s emotions. As a sensitive person, your empathy is a gift that the world needs. It’s up to each of us to channel our empathy into greater compassion so that we can remain strong and well.

For more HSP relationship tips and tools, check out my in-depth Highly Sensitive Person’s Relationship Guide.